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Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
In the contemporary era, some
people
 hold the view that putting aside is a crucial issue for youth. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 statement because whenever these young individuals become old, they have an adequate budget to spend on several sectors, and they can spend their
money
 on more vital items that enable them to achieve accomplishments in their lives. On the one hand, it is obvious that elderly members of the public are not able to work for long hours or they are retired;
thus
 they have a necessity to save
money
 for the time that they can not obtain
money
.
In addition
, if they do not collect
money
 in their youth, not only will they not have the ability to spend on recreational activities, but they
also
 will not take care of themselves.
For instance
, it can be seen numerous homeless
old-aged
Correct your spelling
old
show examples
people
 who are from Iran disclose that their circumstances are rooted in spending
money
 on unimportant items like drugs, substances, and cigarettes.
Further
 and even more importantly, young generations must save
money
 to spend it on vital tasks to be successful in their lives. Indeed, saving
money
 assists young
people
 in purchasing desirable accommodations,
cars
Correct word choice
and cars
show examples
, and engaging in useful workshops that are expensive and helpful for their progress.
For example
,
Ielts
Correct your spelling
IELTS
show examples
 classes are significantly pricy,
hence
 whether students want to have success in
this
 exam, they need to have a huge amount of
money
that is
 impossible without saving. In conclusion, collecting
money
 and not wasting
money
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 in
people
's lives. From my standpoint, saving
money
 has many benefits,
such
 as having a better situation in their retirement and reaching prominent goals that they have.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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task achievement
Expand on the connection between saving money and achieving success. Provide more specific examples of how saved money is used to accomplish life goals.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is supported with concrete examples or explanations to enhance clarity and understanding for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for the response.
task achievement
The topic is addressed effectively, with a complete response that covers the necessity of saving money for young people.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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