IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people are interested in finding out about their family history. why do people want to do this? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

In recent years, many
people
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 have become increasingly interested in exploring family
history
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.
While
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 motivation may vary, the reasons often range from medical concerns to a desire to preserve cultural heritage. In my opinion,
this
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 trend would be a positive development, despite some potential difficulties in
this
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 process. One major reason
people
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 investigate their ancestry is to gain medical insights. By understanding their family's medical background, individuals can identify genetic disorders, which allows them to take preventive action.
For example
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, a family with a
history
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 of diabetes or heart
diseases
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disease
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 may begin regular health screenings and follow a healthier lifestyle in life, which leads to better health outcomes. Another reason is the desire to preserve cultural and familial heritage. Tracing family roots often reveals forgotten traditions, languages, or customs that might be lost over time. By discovering these elements,
people
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 can find ways to keep these elements for future generations to give them a sense of pride.
Although
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 researching family
history
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 would be time-consuming and records may sometimes be lost, it remains a worthwhile pursuit.
Firstly
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, it contributes to a strong sense of identity and emotional connection. Knowing one's origins can help individuals understand themselves better and foster a deeper appreciation for their family's journey.
Secondly
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, these stories often provide valuable lessons, which
people
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 can rely on whenever they struggle with challenges. These lessons,
as a result
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, improve one's tolerance and contribute to personal growth. In conclusion, exploring family
history
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 offers numerous benefits, whether for medical reasons or cultural enrichment.
While
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 the process may involve some obstacles, I believe that
this
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 meaningful trend can boost both personal and social awareness.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. This will make your writing more interesting.
task achievement
Make sure every argument is clearly linked to your main point. Try to explain how each example supports your overall message.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your ideas well.
task achievement
You provide solid reasons for why people explore their family history, which are relevant and clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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