some university students went to learn about differnt subiects in addition to thier main things , other belived that it better to study on thier main things discuss both view

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There is considerable debate surrounding university
students
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' focus.
While
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some argue that
students
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should concentrate solely on their own subjects, others contend that it is beneficial to explore various topics alongside their primary field of study. I strongly align with the latter perspective. Innovation is a crucial element in broadening
students
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'
knowledge
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, a view held by many. When
students
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are exposed to a diverse range of information, they are better equipped to tackle challenges in chaotic situations.
For instance
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, a new student who expands their
knowledge
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across different subjects will find it easier to achieve their goals, drawing on insights gained from various resources.
Furthermore
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,
this
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breadth of
knowledge
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significantly boosts their confidence, as they can engage others with their insights and inspire them to pursue their ambitions. I
also
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believe that enhanced job opportunities are a vital factor in improving one's life circumstances. When potential employers see a candidate's broad
knowledge
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base, they are more inclined to embark on a journey with them, potentially offering better positions.
Additionally
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,
this
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diversity of
knowledge
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fosters positive interactions across various departments, leading to personal and professional growth. Many conferences today serve as platforms where individuals with varied expertise can enhance their critical thinking skills. Some argue that dedicating time to other fields distracts
students
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from their primary goals, ultimately hindering their academic success. I completely reject
this
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notion, as the positive impacts of learning across disciplines far outweigh the drawbacks.
Students
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with diverse
knowledge
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are more attuned to current conditions and can navigate challenges more effectively than their peers. In conclusion, universities play a pivotal role in guiding
students
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through their journeys by providing a wide array of subjects, enabling them to succeed more efficiently.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, providing stats, studies, or renowned figures in your examples can enhance credibility.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument and links smoothly to the next idea. This enhances the logical flow, ensuring the reader maintains interest and understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, framing your arguments effectively and giving a clear perspective from the start.
task achievement
You have tackled both viewpoints comprehensively, which fulfills the task requirements well. This balanced discussion shows an understanding of the issue from different angles.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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