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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Government should spend money on railway rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or diasgree with this statement?

#government #money #railway #roads #diasgree
Investment in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
transportation
 and routes is important to all individuals in every country to save
time
 and effort. Since the
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 sector is critical to
nation’s
Correct article usage
the nation’s
show examples
 future, some people have argued that the government should invest in
trains
 and undergrounds
instaed
Correct your spelling
instead
 of establishing new routes and streets. I strongly agree with
this
 view, because it is safe, saves
time
 and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 negative effects on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
First,
setting up
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
railway
 offers a very good
transportation
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 for individuals.
According to
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, the number
car
Change preposition
of car
show examples
 accidents on roads is more than
railway
 accidents.
Furthermore
,
trains
 are much faster than cars and
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 carry many people and goods
also
. Meanwhile, roads can handle only
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 number of cars and buses at the same
time
.
For example
, in Cairo where
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 live, the government invest money in
railway
Fix the agreement mistake
railways
show examples
 to solve traffic jams ,
reduce
Correct word choice
and reduce
show examples
time
 wasted and road accidents.
Moreover
,
trains
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 use clean energy compared to other
transportation
 means which use fuel and increase climate pollution.
Globaly
Correct your spelling
Globally
, climate change is a vital issue which
attract
Change the verb form
attracts
show examples
 all
governments
Change noun form
government's
governments'
show examples
 attention. The governments invested a lot of money in
shiftting
Correct your spelling
shifting
 to
evnveromintal
Correct your spelling
environmentally
 friendly
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 means like railways which use green energy and limit carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 from cars and buses.
For instance
, Egypt
recived
Correct your spelling
received
 a loan from Germany to build a
railway
 with strict conditions to limit pollution.
Finally
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think governments globally should invest money in
bulding
Correct your spelling
building
 safe, fast, and green
transportation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
espically
Correct your spelling
especially
trains
, subways and underground because of
it’s
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 importance to the people.
Submitted by Mido  on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to better guide the reader through the argument. This will help ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, enhancing the logical flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
While the task is addressed well, some sentences can be made more precise. Focus on crafting concise and clear sentences to express complex ideas, avoiding repetitive expressions to improve readability and understanding.
Language Precision
Revise for spelling and minor grammatical errors (e.g., 'transportaion', 'reseach'). These small edits will improve the overall quality of your writing.
Introduction
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear position on the issue. This provides a strong foundation for the argument.
Conclusion
The conclusion neatly summarizes the key points discussed and reiterates your stance, which gives the essay a well-rounded ending.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples, such as mentioning Cairo and Egypt’s loan from Germany, are used to support your main points. This adds authenticity and relevance to the argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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