Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

In South Asian culture educational institutions are considered learning temples where
children
acquire knowledge which prepares them well for the future.
However
with the modern lifestyle, the definition of
school
is varying, nowadays, learning places have become business for many authorities and
children
's well-being has taken a step back. Many
kids
are facing problems related to obesity and there has been an ongoing argument if schools are responsible for
this
. In my opinion, I agree with the statement and the reasons will be discussed in
this
essay.
Firstly
,
school
is the only place where the
child
spends most of his or her time which automatically gives the
school
responsibility for the
Child
's well-being. Providing nutritional lunch and adding physical training as a subject could decrease the chances of
kids
' illness. Parents put their
children
in
school
with a mindset of getting the best for their own
kids
,
however
, schools providing only academic knowledge cannot prepare
children
for their future. Including physical training or extra curriculum can make
Child
fit which eventually sharpens their mind . Exercise and good eating are essential for a toddler to develop their mind from an early age.
This
also
helps in eliminating the risk of illness or diseases a
child
could catch
due to
low immunity.
Furthermore
, if extra curriculum is added as a subject
for example
sports like swimming, football , basketball and volleyball there is a high chance that young people can adopt an interest in sports and can make a career out of it . Physical training and good food not only increase strength but
also
make a kid's mind powerful so they can achieve good grades in the academic field .
To conclude
, I believe that schools adding physical training and healthy food as part of studying can be advantageous for a
child
to create a better future and healthy lifestyle. Guardians can
also
have relief with their
kids
well being if the institution takes responsibility for monitoring a kid's eating habits.
Submitted by mhsawdeparthvi29 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mention specific programs schools could implement or cases where such initiatives have been successful.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph clearly reflect the main idea you'll be discussing.
task achievement
Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more comprehensive view on the issue of childhood obesity and schools' responsibilities.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines your stance on the issue.
supported main points
You effectively discuss the school's responsibility in balancing academic knowledge with physical health education.
introduction conclusion present
The essay concludes well by reinforcing your main points and offering a solution.

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