Task 2 ; --- Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

Childhood
obesity
is becoming increasingly prevalent in Australia, with nearly two-thirds of
children
now categorized as obese. It has been argued that educational institutions should be held responsible for monitoring students' diets and physical activity.
While
I agree that they play a vital role, I believe
this
responsibility should be shared with families and society as a whole.
Firstly
, educational establishments are in a powerful position to influence
children
's health; students spend a significant portion of their day there, making it the perfect environment to promote healthy habits. By offering nutritious meals, limiting access to junk food, and incorporating daily physical activity, institutions can greatly contribute to improving
children
's well-being. Physical education programs, combined with sports and active breaks, ensure that students receive sufficient exercise, reducing the risk of
obesity
-related illnesses.
Nevertheless
, parents are equally responsible for their
children
’s health. Since most meals are consumed at home, caregivers play a crucial role in shaping dietary habits. If healthy practices are encouraged only in academic settings but neglected at home, the positive impact will be minimized.
Therefore
, it is essential for guardians to align with schools’ efforts by ensuring balanced nutrition and encouraging physical activity outside school hours.
Additionally
, addressing childhood
obesity
requires broader societal involvement. Governments must regulate advertising aimed at
children
, especially for unhealthy food products; public health campaigns should
also
raise awareness about the importance of balanced eating and regular exercise. Without these collective efforts, schools’ attempts to combat
obesity
will have limited success. In conclusion,
although
schools should promote healthier lifestyles, the responsibility for addressing childhood
obesity
extends beyond the classroom. A collaborative approach between educational institutions, families, and the government is essential for lasting change.
Submitted by mhsawdeparthvi29 on

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The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, considering multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported by logical reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively introducing and summarizing the main argument.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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