IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the prevention of health problems is more important than the treatment of illness and disease and that Government funding should reflect this?What is your opinion?

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Prevention
Use synonyms
 has always been the easiest and most economical way to tackle different kinds of ailments, from viral diseases to bacterial ones.
Therefore
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, people need to be aware of the modes of transmission and contamination
along with
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 the methods of
prevention
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. The success of
this
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 possibility will be acquired if the governing body gives its attention to
such
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 issues concerning
disease
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
 more than
disease
Use synonyms
 treatment, even though both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
actions are crucial in
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. To prevent
disease
Use synonyms
 is to escape all the liabilities which a
disease
Use synonyms
 can cause. The
disease
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 is not only an assault on the body but
also
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 on spiritual and material wealth.
For instance
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, if a person falls seriously ill
then
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 he will lose his mental and physical being and on top of that, he will
also
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 suffer a blow to his life-long earnings. But, if that person had managed to prevent that illness in the first place
then
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 the whole thing would have been saved.
Although
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 medical treatments have been incessantly expensive, people are still drawn to them
due to
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 the failure of authorities to promote health
prevention
Use synonyms
. Despite the famous slogan, '
Prevention
Use synonyms
 is better than cure', the government still focuses on treatment research rather than
prevention
Use synonyms
 strategies.
For example
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, the budget allocated to purchasing hospital machines is higher than the amount of money given to vaccine centres.
To conclude
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,
while
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 I agree that curing ailments is an important step, exercising precaution and henceforth, preventing the
disease
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 will stop the outcomes of
disease
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 altogether.
Therefore
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, to promote health, authorities ought to allocate an appropriate amount of funds towards preventive care.

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task achievement
Ensure to balance between discussing prevention and treatment to provide a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to support arguments, if available.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph clearly links back to the main thesis or question.
introduction conclusion present
The essay opens with a strong introduction, setting the context for the discussion.
logical structure
Logical progression of ideas from prevention benefits to government funding is clearly presented.
introduction conclusion present
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and aligns with the introduction.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • vaccination programs
  • chronic diseases
  • economic productivity
  • absenteeism
  • quality of life
  • life expectancy
  • burden on healthcare systems
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