Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree ?

First of all, I should admit it is a complex and argumentative question. Each side of these opinions has benefits and drawbacks at the same time. So, in
this
essay
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essay,
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I will analyse and discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both, and my own opinion will be demonstrated
further
. Generally, Medical services and educational entities as well are crucial to improve and enhance life in a state. It is
also
possible to say that these
tybes
Correct your spelling
types
of services are
fundemental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
.
For instance
, poor countries are
severing
Verb problem
suffering
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by
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from
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declining
Replace the word
a decline
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in
hospitals
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hospital
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numbers, so
this
issue should be tackled by
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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medical
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the medical
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budget.
On the other hand
, entertainment and
sport
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sports
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events are important
from
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in
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many aspects.
In other words
, if a government wants to develop its economy, it needs to spend more funds on
entertainment
Add an article
the entertainment
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sector.
For example
, there are many developing countries
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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started many cultural and sports events in order to
divers
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diversify
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its economy
Fix the agreement mistake
their economies
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. In conclusion,
the
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a
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balance is required in these fields.
Submitted by azoozswailim on

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task response
While you presented both sides of the argument, try to elaborate further on each point and how it directly supports your stance. This will help achieve a more thorough task response.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Try using more linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and arguments.
task response
Consider providing more specific examples or data to support your arguments, which will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely encapsulate the main ideas addressed.
task achievement
You effectively address both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribution
  • essential
  • well-being
  • education
  • training
  • dedication
  • entertain
  • inspire
  • significant
  • exorbitant
  • attract
  • talented
  • professions
  • improve
  • overall
  • quality
  • healthcare
  • priority
  • development
  • citizens
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