Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree ?

#doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sport #celebrities

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First of all, I should admit it is a complex and argumentative question. Each side of these opinions has benefits and drawbacks at the same time. So, in

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will analyse and discuss

the

Correct article usage

apply

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both, and my own opinion will be demonstrated

further

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. Generally, Medical services and educational entities as well are crucial to improve and enhance life in a state. It is

also

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possible to say that these

tybes

Correct your spelling

types

of services are

fundemental

Correct your spelling

fundamental

For instance

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, poor countries are

severing

Verb problem

suffering

show examples

Change preposition

from

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declining

Replace the word

a decline

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hospitals

Change the noun form

hospital

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numbers, so

this

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issue should be tackled by

increase

Wrong verb form

increasing

show examples

medical

Correct article usage

the medical

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budget.

On the other hand

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, entertainment and

sport

Change the noun form

sports

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events are important

from

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show examples

many aspects.

In other words

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, if a government wants to develop its economy, it needs to spend more funds on

entertainment

Add an article

the entertainment

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sector.

For example

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, there are many developing countries

have

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that have

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started many cultural and sports events in order to

divers

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diversify

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its economy

Fix the agreement mistake

their economies

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. In conclusion,

the

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balance is required in these fields.

Submitted by azoozswailim on Sun Oct 13 2024

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task response

While you presented both sides of the argument, try to elaborate further on each point and how it directly supports your stance. This will help achieve a more thorough task response.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Try using more linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and arguments.

task response

Consider providing more specific examples or data to support your arguments, which will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely encapsulate the main ideas addressed.

task achievement

You effectively address both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

159 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

contribution
essential
well-being
education
training
dedication
entertain
inspire
significant
exorbitant
attract
talented
professions
improve
overall
quality
healthcare
priority
development
citizens

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Although art has always been considered an integral part of our society, the mindset of people has now changed over time. Nowadays, everyone considers science and technology more important than artistic work. In my opinion, the values of society have changed after the revolution of science in recent times. There are several reasons for this evolution in people's way of thinking.
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Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree ?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Happiness is considered very important in life, but it is hard to define. Why is happiness difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?