At the present time, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adult, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays ,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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are many countries the population of some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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includes a relatively large
number
of young adults not , In my
opinion
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opinion,
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country
this
essay will argue why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages as the
number
of young adults
large
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is large
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and compared with the
number less
Correct your spelling
numberless
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, Admittedly, one of the minor advantages of the
number
adults
this
can help people, One clear example of
this
is people can the
number
of older people, All in
all
Add the comma(s)
all,
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this
can help them
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure. Start with an introduction, followed by paragraphs that each address a specific point, and conclude with a summary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Using linking words and phrases will help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Make sure each point is clearly explained and supported.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address the prompt, showing an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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