At the present time, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adult, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #country #adult #people #situation

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Nowadays ,

There

Fix capitalization

there

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are many countries the population of some

country

Fix the agreement mistake

countries

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includes a relatively large

number

Use synonyms

of young adults not , In my

opinion

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opinion,

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country

this

Linking Words

essay will argue why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages as the

number

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of young adults

large

Add a missing verb

is large

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and compared with the

Use synonyms

number less

Correct your spelling

numberless

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, Admittedly, one of the minor advantages of the

number

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adults

this

Linking Words

can help people, One clear example of

this

Linking Words

is people can the

number

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of older people, All in

all

Add the comma(s)

all,

show examples

this

Linking Words

can help them

Submitted by jehan8p on Sun Oct 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear structure. Start with an introduction, followed by paragraphs that each address a specific point, and conclude with a summary.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Using linking words and phrases will help guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

Include more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.

task achievement

Develop your ideas more fully. Make sure each point is clearly explained and supported.

task achievement

Your essay attempts to address the prompt, showing an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

1
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

83 words

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At the present time, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adult, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only person traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers.

Benefits of involving students in rule making process are many; the most significant one is that it fosters a sense of accountability and responsibility among them.

History is not useful in our life. Do you agree or disagree?

Imagine that a company plans to build an industry in your hometown. Discuss the factory might improve your community. Do you favour or oppose to build in your community. Give reasons and examples.