IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic: People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#minutes #topic #people #st #century #quality #life #centuries
Nowadays ,some
people
 argue that modern
people
 in the 21st century have more development in comparison to those in the previous one.I firmly concur with
this
 statement
due to
 two main reasons,which will be
further
 discussed in
this
 essay. Nowadays ,even
while
Correct word choice
though
show examples
 the modern world offers us many advantages, there are still drawbacks and room for improvement.
Firstly
 ,there is an inordinate amount of pressure on modern
people
 to meet demand in
society
.
For example
, students who always meet their parents' expectations with high grades and the progress of peers make them feel inferior.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, in the era of technological enhancement , the demand for knowledge is increasing so
people
 who have low qualifications and low knowledge will be eliminated from
society
.
On the other hand
 , there are a plethora of benefits that the technological era brings to us.First and foremost ,
people
 nowadays live in the technological advancement era so the emergence of high-tech machines and automation techniques make
people
’s working life become more efficient and easier.
For instance
 ,in terms of medicine , modern medical innovations not only save
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
countless lives back from the dead but
also
 create effective treatments and preventative care to increase life expectancy.
Secondly
 , the development of modern
society
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 allocate more funds to
student
Correct article usage
the student
show examples
 generation.
For example
 ,governments in modern
society
 will focus on investment in its education system to improve a country’s economy in the long term. The more students are cared for ,the more skilled a workforce will be and
this
 leads to higher innovation and productivity. In conclusion , living in the 21st century does have compelling benefits,but it is not without its challenges as well.I strongly believe that technological advancements and modern medical innovations will improve human life compared to ancient times.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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task achievement
Begin your essay with a clear thesis statement outlining your main point or position. This helps to provide a clear roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
Expand on some of your points with more detailed examples or reasons. This will enhance the depth of your discussion and argument.
task achievement
Try to balance your essay by developing both sides of the argument, even if you have a clear position. This demonstrates your ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your points more connected and your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all the sentences within the paragraph relate to this main idea, which will help strengthen your coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have effectively identified and outlined the main advantages and disadvantages of living in the 21st century, showing a good understanding of the topic.

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