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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country., while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and giye your opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #government #control #limit #amount #giye
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Every employee is attracted to a lucrative
salary
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 package. Many occupations are well-paid compared to others. Whether a higher-paying
salary
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 is a substantial decision is always debatable. I believe there should be effective regulations and policies for pay distribution to promote equality. One of the primary reasons companies pay well is to meet the domestic needs of their
employees
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.
This
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 is a commendable practice that helps
employees
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 cope with the high cost of living, allowing them to lead a better quality of life.
For instance
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, in the United States, many
workers
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 earn enough to lead a comfortable life.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 phenomenon has brought many adverse outcomes for society. The main drawback is social inequality among
workers
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. To elaborate, offering high wages to particular sections creates chaos among
workers
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. It promotes imbalance and demotivates other
employees
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 to perform better in their jobs. Since the different
salary
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 distributions for some
work
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 develop a feeling of reattachment to the workplace, As everyone is equally important in the working environment, discouragement of some
work
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 for
salary
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 leads to low productivity.
However
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, getting a rewarding income encourages the masses to
work
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 hard and use their full potential.
Nevertheless
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, it allows people to
work
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 for longer tenure.
Hence
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, unemployment has become a problem in many nations.
For example
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, in India, where potential
employees
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 face unemployment for company executive jobs as 90% of
workers
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 are over 60 years old. In conclusion,
while
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 a good
salary
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 can certainly improve one's quality of life, it's important to recognize that it can
also
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 lead to social inequality and unemployment. These are serious issues that need to be addressed to ensure a fair and just society for all.
Submitted by parminderbitti3 on

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task achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints but could express your opinion more clearly and throughout the essay. Strengthening your stance would enhance the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Improve linkage between ideas. Work on smooth transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support each point. This will help in making the arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise and straightforward. Avoid overly complex phrases that may confuse the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and offers a clear position on pay distribution.
supported main points
Main points are logically organized and supported in the body paragraphs, with an appropriate conclusion that summarizes the arguments.
complete response
You provide a balanced discussion and address both sides of the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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