IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: An increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case, and what solutions are possible? Write at least 250 words

#minutes #topic #production #consumer #goods #results #damage #environment #case
There is a swift increase in
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 of consumer products, which is a driving force leading to the destruction of natural environments. In
this
 essay, I will shed light on the reasons why
this
 situation is and suggest several possible solutions. To commence with, there are numerous factors inducing the desolation of natural environments. First and foremost, excessive extraction of natural
resources
 is the major cause. As society thrives, individuals’ demands for consumer goods increase, followed by raw materials and energy being extremely exploited.
Consequently
, it leads to natural resource degradation, which contributes to resource exhaustion.
Secondly
, with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 frequency of
goods’
Change noun form
goods
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 production, many industries illegally discharge their toxic
waste
 into the environment. The more untreated
waste
 is dumped illegally, the more environmental pollution becomes alarming.
Furthermore
, another underlying factor is heavy reliance on fossil fuels for production. As a rising of greenhouse gas emissions, global warming and climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
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 are likely to occur, which may induce numerous disasters,
such
 as floods, earthquakes, and hurricanes. Despite the fact that we cannot completely remove the root of
this
 issue, there are steps we can take to mitigate the problem.
Firstly
, governments should enact laws and regulations to control
commercial
Add an article
the commercial
show examples
 exploitation of natural
resources
. Directly imposing limitations for levels which are acceptable to exploit.
Besides
, governments
also
 should issue fines to those exploiting natural
resources
 illegally.
Furthermore
, people are encouraged to recycle
waste
 and utilize renewable and regenerative
resources
 to limit the amount of toxic emissions.
To conclude
, the destruction of the natural environment can be attributed to human activities,
such
 as excessive extraction of natural
resources
, illegal disposal of toxic
waste
, and rising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
greenhouse gas emissions. To counteract these factors, I believe that efforts of both governments and individuals can alleviate the seriousness of
this
 problem.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could discuss specific industries that contribute to pollution or instances of resource depletion.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly with clear linking words or phrases to enhance flow and connectivity.
complete response
The essay effectively covers the reasons why consumer goods production damages the environment and suggests potential solutions.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a coherent basis and summary for your points.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported, adding depth to the arguments presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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