IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

All students ought to study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Type your essay below and click Submit for evaluation

#students #study #art #music #school #type #click #evaluation
It is undeniable that
art
 and
music
 have positive impacts which some people think
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must be required in
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 curriculum. In my view, making
art
 and
music
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mandatory is not quite important
that
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 I will discuss my opinion
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
.
To begin
 with, learning arts and
music
 will develop
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 brain better. They can express their ideas through
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
, shapes, and rhythms.
Moreover
, these
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 may
also
 open up the
opportunitiy
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 of seeking new skills and abilities.
While
this
 is a good thing to do, there are many ways to search for a passion outside the classroom,
for example
 by taking courses
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the weekend. To be mentioned,
art
 and
music
 are equally important as other school subjects. By integrating
art
 and
music
 into the curriculum, schools can provide a more holistic learning experience that supports both academic and personal growth.
Nevertheless
, by analysing the necessity and relevance of courses to be covered in the curriculum, it will be better if students are guided to manage their time with
another important courses
Replace the adjective
another important course
other important courses
show examples
 to do. Nowadays, science plays a
vitas
Correct your spelling
vital
 aspect in our world. It would be
such
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
remorse if adolescents didn't focus more on learning things that would be more useful in the future,
such
 as mastering the field of science. Ultimately, it is important for students to try to study all kinds of subjects, especially those that are suitable for them and can develop their abilities well.
However
, schools should provide
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper guidance on which subjects are more valuable to study in the future.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider elaborating more on specific benefits of art and music in cognitive development and how they compare with other subjects. This could help in providing more comprehensive examples and strengthen your task response score.
task achievement
Try to include examples of real-world applications or outcomes related to studying arts and music, as this would enhance the substance of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph systematically discusses different aspects of the topic, which aids in the reader’s understanding.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are effectively used to state your position and summarize your main points, respectively. This aids in maintaining focus throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your argument successfully acknowledges the relevance of art and music within a broader educational framework, indicating a balanced and thorough understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: