Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?
#childood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsilbility #students #amount #exercise
Some people insist that
school
has to be a turn key
Add a hyphen
turn-key
of
Change preposition
to
children
Change noun form
children's
obesity
. While
others argue that its
not their responsibility to Replace the word
it's
it is
control
that. This
essay will discuss how much control
power do
Unnecessary verb
apply
school
have in child Fix the agreement mistake
schools
obesity
and the reasons of
each Change preposition
for
statements
.
On Change to a singular noun
statement
one
hand, we all know that Correct article usage
the one
children
spend most of their time in school
. It means,
institutions have enough time to observe what Remove the comma
apply
children
eat and what they do. If school
take a role as a physical health Fix the agreement mistake
schools
controler
, the government do not need to make other organizations or departments Correct your spelling
controller
to
do that. What is more, in terms of money, the government could save Fix the infinitive
apply
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
due to
controlling obesity
rate. Correct article usage
the obesity
For example
, there is a
research done by Australia University, which highlights governments could save more than 10% of their health and pension budget by Correct article usage
apply
let
Change the form of the verb
letting
children
do excersice
1hours per week.
Correct your spelling
exercise
On the other hand
, some people have opinion
that Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
obesitiy
is Correct your spelling
obesity
personal
problem, Add an article
a personal
therefore
, school
do not need to make an effort to Fix the agreement mistake
schools
control
that problem. The
Correct article usage
Obesity
obesity
has strong
relationship with genes and Add an article
a strong
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
life style
. Correct your spelling
lifestyle
Thus
, it is no use to let school
Correct article usage
the school
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
control
that. Furthermore
, students
growth levels are different from each other. They could not be in Change noun form
students'
student's
same
system. Change the article
the same
School
is not where they give special cares
to each Fix the agreement mistake
care
students
, but where give general education.
Change to a singular noun
student
To sum up
, there is an argument between
Change preposition
about
schools
role in Change noun form
schools'
school's
prevent
Change the verb form
preventing
children
Change noun form
children's
obesity
. There is a advantages
in its easiness and cost saving, Change the noun form
advantage
while
disadvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
that
could Correct pronoun usage
apply
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
due to
ignorance of personal differences and genetic causes. I think we should care both
Change preposition
about both
pros
and cons of Correct article usage
the pros
this
topic equally.Submitted by semimama on
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language
Work on grammar and spelling to enhance clarity, e.g., 'turn key of children obesity' should be 'key to addressing childhood obesity.'
examples
Provide more specific examples to strengthen the argument. Discuss, for example, actual measures schools could implement.
coherence
Improve coherence by connecting ideas more smoothly. Use transitional words and phrases to enhance the flow between points.
task
Clarify task response by aligning arguments clearly with the degree of agreement or disagreement with the statement.
balance
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument regarding schools' roles in addressing childhood obesity.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively contextualize the discussion, framing the argument well.
support
The essay attempts to present supporting points for each viewpoint, which is essential for balanced discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.