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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.
#graphs #show #enrolments #students #australian #universities #ten #year #period
The two line graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the enrolments of
students
 in Australian
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
, broken down into two groups: foreign
students
 and local
students
, over a
ten year
Add a hyphen
ten-year
show examples
 period from 2001 to 2010.
Overall
, it can be clearly observed that
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of international
students
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
fewer
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
,
whereas
 that of
locals
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
larger
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 during the first 7 years.
However
, it is interesting to note that trends were shifted in the latter three years.
To begin
 with, in 2001, a closer look at line graphs from local
students
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that Australian
students
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled that of
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
 lecturers at 400,000
students
. Surprisingly, the number of non-
locals
 rose at a constant rate unlike that of
locals
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 grew exponentially
reached
Correct word choice
and reached
show examples
 the same figures in 2006 at 600,000
students
. In terms of commencing-wise, it is noticeable that foreign graduates were slightly lower compared with the
locals
. From 2007 onwards, the trend shifted where the number of
students
 from abroad
overtaken
Wrong verb form
overtook
show examples
 the
locals
 before reaching its peak at 800,000
students
 in 2010
as well as
 that of those who
graduates
Wrong verb form
graduated
show examples
 at 400,000
students
.
Similarly
, both the total number of
locals
Change the noun form
local
show examples
students
 and those who will graduate
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained stable
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2007
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2010 at the same figures.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, locals with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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