IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is widely believed that
art
Use synonyms
 is a global language to express human feelings or hindsight without the need for any interpretation.
Music
Use synonyms
 as a kind of
art
Use synonyms
 follows
this
Linking Words
 rule and nowadays becomes one of the most important ways of integrating various cultures. Thanks to the advancement of technology and the Internet, we can see serious cultural globalisation in the
music
Use synonyms
 industry.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 every
music
Use synonyms
 contains
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
lyrics and rhythms,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
and although
show examples
 the content can be difficult to understand in different languages, the audience always can enjoy the melody and by listening to various cultures' productions they will have the opportunity to know a wide range of local instruments.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Iran, there is an instrument which is called "Se-Tar" and traditional Persian
music
Use synonyms
 usually uses it in their performances. If you don't know Persian, you still can recognise the identity of the
music
Use synonyms
 by knowing the "Se-Tar". To build upon my point a little more,
music
Use synonyms
 can be engaged with dance and performance
art
Use synonyms
 which can appeal to audiences as an integral part of the event.
For instance
Linking Words
, strange ones in concerts build a new short-time relationship during their dance and sing together as a fandom of the specific singer.
In addition
Linking Words
, in musical performance
art
Use synonyms
 sometimes the visitors should participate in it to accomplish the artwork with the artist. All of these examples can make strong bonds between people regardless of their ages, ethnicity and so on thanks to the power of
music
Use synonyms
. To put it in a nutshell, I strongly believe that
music
Use synonyms
 as an
art
Use synonyms
 has the power to gather people together and they can immerse themselves in different societies regardless of their mother tongue and so on.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, distinct body paragraphs with focused main ideas, and a concise conclusion. Ideas presented should flow naturally from one to the other, with each paragraph transitioning smoothly to the next.
task achievement
The response should fully address all parts of the task, present a clear opinion, and discuss points thoroughly with appropriate examples. It is also important to maintain a balance in discussing both sides if the question requires a discussion on the extent of agreement or disagreement.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: