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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is true to say that humans have greater longevity these days in almost every nation. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that senior citizens might be burdens for governments
while
Linking Words
 others think that there are many advantages for communities. In my opinion, the positive developments will be greater than the negative ones. On the one hand, there are many drawbacks to having an ageing population in a country for its government.
This
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 is because that situation might cause insufficient accommodation for citizens and burdens for the government in the budget allocation for new buildings.
This
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 is leading to a circumstance where the government has to spend money on establishing apartments or installing healthcare centres and, at the same time, less spending on building new schools for children and younger generations.
Due to
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 the density of elders, there could be a shortage of medical materials, tools, and supplements, which hinders the government’s priorities in other areas.
On the other hand
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, older individuals positively bring valuable contributions to work and volunteering opportunities for youngsters who are obtaining experiences after their studies. Since the need for caring services for ageing
people
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 offers vacancies for employees and volunteers, it might be a winning situation for both generations to fulfil their needs for each other.
Additionally
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, young
people
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 have potential opportunities to learn invaluable cultures and traditional manners of seniors which can be carried forward to upcoming generations.
Moreover
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, the majority of ageing
people
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 have desires to travel in their retirement, which promotes travel and tour industry revenue streaming indirectly. In a nutshell, I believe that having an ageing population innovates many factors that create positive developments,
such
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 as opportunities for jobs and the travel industry, rather than creating obstacles for governments.

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position, further elaboration on specific examples could enhance the argument. Including statistical data or examples from specific countries could strengthen the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from additional linking words or phrases to further improve the flow of ideas. Consider adding more transitional phrases between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task prompt by stating a clear opinion on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages of an aging population.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and encapsulate the main idea of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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