Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays, in some countries, there is a big generational and cultural gap between its citizens. Some individuals affirm that

music

Use synonyms

can bring them together despite their differences. I will state the agreement I have towards

this

Linking Words

statement giving valid reasons, followed by a conclusion.

Firstly

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

is a language that everybody understands.

People

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are attracted to the beats and rhythms in the

music

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. The world has evolved to listen to all types of songs because of the establishment of the internet, and many

people

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are listening to

music

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they cannot relate

Change preposition

to.

show examples

Why do you think

this

Linking Words

is? It is because they love the tune and beat in these songs.

For example

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, BTS has become a trend and it is loved by many

people

Use synonyms

of different ages across the globe, in spite of it being in Korean.

Therefore

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music

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has great potential to be a platform that can unite

people

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of different

cultures

Use synonyms

and ages.

Secondly

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music

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is threaded in many

cultures

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. Different

cultures

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have various types of

music

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, and several tourists love to experience culture in the form of

music

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Music

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is the route at which

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

travellers connect with

people

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of other

cultures

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For instance

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, foreigners who come to Sri Lanka associate with the locals by humming and dancing to the songs played in

local

Add an article

the local

show examples

native language. In conclusion,

music

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has a strong influence

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show examples

beats and tunes which

people

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love and

music

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is a way of connecting tourists with the locals.

This

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essay stated that

music

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is an ideal way of forming a bridge between

people

Use synonyms

of different

cultures

Use synonyms

and ages.

Submitted by sajeendranrajakumar on Wed Jun 19 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction sets the stage effectively, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement to outline your main points.

task achievement

Although your points are clear, elaborate more on each main point to deepen your argumentation and make it more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that all your ideas are logically connected with suitable transition phrases. This will improve the flow of your essay.

task achievement

The example of BTS is good but expanding on why people from different backgrounds are drawn to their music can add more depth.

introduction conclusion present

Your conclusion is good, summarizing the main points effectively, but reiterating specific examples could strengthen it even more.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument and structure, which is fundamental for a high-scoring IELTS essay.

supported main points

The examples you provided are relevant and help to illustrate your main points well.

introduction conclusion present

You have a strong introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a polished finish.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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