Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, in some countries, there is a big generational and cultural gap between its citizens. Some individuals affirm that
music
can bring them together despite their differences. I will state the agreement I have towards this
statement giving valid reasons, followed by a conclusion.
Firstly
, music
is a language that everybody understands. People
are attracted to the beats and rhythms in the music
. The world has evolved to listen to all types of songs because of the establishment of the internet, and many people
are listening to music
they cannot relate.
Why do you think Change preposition
to.
this
is? It is because they love the tune and beat in these songs. For example
, BTS has become a trend and it is loved by many people
of different ages across the globe, in spite of it being in Korean. Therefore
, music
has great potential to be a platform that can unite people
of different cultures
and ages.
Secondly
, music
is threaded in many cultures
. Different cultures
have various types of music
, and several tourists love to experience culture in the form of music
. Music
is the route at which the
travellers connect with Correct article usage
apply
people
of other cultures
. For instance
, foreigners who come to Sri Lanka associate with the locals by humming and dancing to the songs played in local
native language.
In conclusion, Add an article
the local
music
has a strong influence of
beats and tunes which Change preposition
on
people
love and music
is a way of connecting tourists with the locals. This
essay stated that music
is an ideal way of forming a bridge between people
of different cultures
and ages.Submitted by sajeendranrajakumar on
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task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage effectively, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement to outline your main points.
task achievement
Although your points are clear, elaborate more on each main point to deepen your argumentation and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your ideas are logically connected with suitable transition phrases. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The example of BTS is good but expanding on why people from different backgrounds are drawn to their music can add more depth.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion is good, summarizing the main points effectively, but reiterating specific examples could strengthen it even more.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and structure, which is fundamental for a high-scoring IELTS essay.
supported main points
The examples you provided are relevant and help to illustrate your main points well.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a polished finish.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite