IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

How should we ensure that television is a positive influence in the life of children?

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Television
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 plays an important role in
children
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’s lives and can provide both education and entertainment.
However
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, to make it a positive influence, parents and society need to take certain steps,
such
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 as setting viewing limits, selecting appropriate content, and encouraging critical thinking.
Firstly
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, it is crucial to limit the amount of time
children
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 spend watching
television
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.
While
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television
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 can be educational, excessive screen time may lead to health issues,
such
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 as poor eyesight and lack of physical activity. Setting time limits helps
children
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 balance
television
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 with other activities like playing outdoors and reading.
For example
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, allowing them to watch only after finishing homework can teach them self-discipline.
Secondly
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, choosing suitable programs is essential for ensuring
television
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’s positive impact. Not all shows are appropriate, as some contain violence or mature themes.
In contrast
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, educational programs can teach
children
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 about science, history, and nature in an engaging way. Selecting informative shows makes
television
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 a valuable learning tool.
Furthermore
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, encouraging
children
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 to think critically about what they watch is
also
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 beneficial. Discussing content with them helps them understand the difference between reality and fiction.
This
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 process enables
children
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 to form opinions and become more thoughtful viewers. In conclusion, to ensure that
television
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 has a positive effect on
children
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, parents and society should focus on setting limits, selecting the right programs, and promoting critical thinking. By following these steps, we can help
children
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 benefit from
television
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while
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 avoiding its negative effects.
This
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 balanced approach will allow
children
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 to enjoy the advantages of
television
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 in a healthy way.

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task achievement
While the essay effectively examines the role of television and provides clear solutions, consider contrasting negative impacts more explicitly against the proposed solutions for enhanced depth.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows smoothly and presents its points logically. To further enhance coherence, use transitional phrases to link the conclusion more directly to the discussed main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents well-organized content with clear divisions between the introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as using television after homework to illustrate self-discipline.
coherence cohesion
There is a strong introductory statement establishing the importance of television in children's lives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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