IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

How should we ensure that television is a positive influence in the life of children?

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Nowadays,
Television
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 is the most popular way to deliver information to children, but some adults cannot be sure whether the
content
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 that they receive is reliable. I think that if parents control the
content
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, it would not be
such
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 a serious problem.
Firstly
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, the solution would be to speak with their kids and explain what they are about to watch and what is forbidden.
For example
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, if parents are afraid of the
content
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, they can ask their children to explain what they saw on the internet.
Also
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, they can block some channels and leave only documentaries or kids' channels.
Moreover
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, it can be very useful because kids can learn some new information and explore the world not only from entertaining channels, but
also
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 from scientific ones, like Discovery or National Geographic.
Therefore
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, youngsters can find and watch programs in different languages and improve their knowledge in different spheres,
such
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 as geography, chemistry, biology, and many others.
Secondly
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, the government can control the
content
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 on
television
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, which can be negative for the young generation.
Also
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, they should ensure interesting developmental
content
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 about the country's culture, because young people should know about their traditions, cultural customs, and history.
For example
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, responsible authorities can familiarise them with some interesting facts about their town or region. In conclusion,
television
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 can be a positive tool for learning new things, on condition that both parents and responsible government
factors
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officials
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 take control of the situation.
As a result
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 of these actions, children will benefit from
television
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly how TV can be a good help for children.
task response
Add one more clear idea about how parents can guide screen time, not only control channels.
task response
Some examples are good, but they can be more exact and more linked to the main question about children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some lines start with 'Also' too often.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main point, then explain it step by step.
task response
You answer the question and give two ways to make TV more positive: parents and government.
task response
Your conclusion matches your main ideas and gives a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because your ideas are put in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, and each paragraph has a clear role.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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