IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

How should we ensure that television is a positive influence in the life of children?

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Nowadays, everyone spends their free time using technology devices. One of the most popular of them at different ages is television. I tend to think that there are a huge number of advantages and drawbacks of impacting the TV in
children
Use synonyms
’s lives. Every parent has to take care of what and how
hours
Correct determiner usage
many hours
show examples
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 child watches cartoons or movies. The general view is that
children
Use synonyms
 can not control how many hours they spend in front of the screen.
This
Linking Words
 is the main problem of modern preschoolers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 can be a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some big problems not only with physical health but
also
Linking Words
 with mental health.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,
kid
Check wording
kids
show examples
 can be less focused and persistent.
For instance
Linking Words
, my sister has some issues with vision, because she used to stay very close to the screen , and the
one
Correct word choice
only
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 way to fix it is to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
surgery.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some experts believe that
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is crucial to give
a
Correct article usage
children the
show examples
 possibility
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to develop their imagination and creativity by watching cartoons and shows. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can repeat and guess the next step of
scenario
Correct article usage
the scenario
show examples
, and increase their experience bag.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is possible to learn useful information from educational programmes. Many cartoons teach
children
Use synonyms
 about friendship, kindness, and problem-solving.
For example
Linking Words
, some shows help young viewers learn new words, basic numbers, or even simple facts about nature and the world around them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, television can become a helpful educational tool if parents carefully choose the content.
To conclude
Linking Words
, television has both positive and negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
’s development. On the one hand, a huge
screen
Check wording
amount of screen
show examples
 time can harm their health and concentration.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, educational programmes may support creativity and learning.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, parents should control the amount of time
children
Use synonyms
 spend watching TV and select appropriate content for their age.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly how we can make TV good for children, not only good and bad sides.
task response
Give one or two more clear ways parents can help, like setting time limits and choosing good shows.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some parts are a bit general. Add one more simple and real example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts can join more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea and explain it fully.
task response
You wrote about both risks and good points of TV for children.
task response
You gave an example about your sister, and this helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs have one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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