Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that public
museums
and art
galleries
is
no longer popular Change the verb form
are
to
Change preposition
with
people
in the future, since the advent of technology like online museums
. From my perspective, It seems absurd that although
a computer improves rapidly, the arts can effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
people
by feeling directly.
To begin
with, I accept that nowadays, many people
enjoy the
Correct article usage
apply
art
through online access due to
the convience
. Correct your spelling
convenience
Firstly
, anyone who can use the Internet easily access the museum and galleries
's homepage regardless of time, and then
appreciate a varitey
of Correct your spelling
variety
art works
. Correct your spelling
artworks
Thesedays
because of the rapid development of Correct your spelling
These days
computer
, the famous museum on the global stage Fix the agreement mistake
computers
alreday
Correct your spelling
already
make
a system like Verb problem
has
online
tour program for everyone. Correct article usage
an online
Also
, governments encourage art
communities to utilize online process
for disabled Fix the agreement mistake
processes
social
Correct word choice
apply
people
.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that a
plenty of Remove the article
apply
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
crafts
Correct word choice
and crafts
gives
citizens more Correct subject-verb agreement
give
deep
impression when they visit there in Correct word choice
deeper
personal
. First of all, the value of Replace the word
person
masterpiece
is Correct article usage
a masterpiece
enavitable
Correct your spelling
inevitable
imcompareble
touching. Correct your spelling
incomparable
incomparably
For example
, the reason is that many tourists still visit the biggest museums
like the MoMa to see famous paintings. they want to gain the
great moment for feeling Correct article usage
a
its
own attraction Correct pronoun usage
their
such
as unique color
, overwhelming size and real Change the spelling
colour
inspiring
. It is irreplaceable.
Replace the word
inspiration
Moreover
, by
visiting famous Change preposition
apply
galleries
, it
would be good memories in our lives. It helps clear our Correct pronoun usage
apply
mind
and relieve stress. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
In addition
, If someone will go
to Wrong verb form
goes
the
Correct article usage
apply
museums
or galleries
and see own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
favorite
paintings, they might forget about all Change the spelling
favourite
worries
in their busy life and focus on feeling the arts. the time is worth Correct pronoun usage
their worries
to check
out.
In conclusion, historical objects and Change the verb form
checking
work
of Fix the agreement mistake
works
art
give us awesome memories and strengthen our daily life. Hence
, the value of art
museums
and galleries
is underestimated.Submitted by jihyei0910 on
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task achievement
The essay provides a reasonable response to the task. However, to achieve a higher score, it's important to delve more deeply into the main points. For instance, explore more on how physical interaction with art can evoke emotions that can't be replicated online.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearly structured paragraphs with a more logical progression of ideas. Additionally, linking words and phrases can be used more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, setting a solid framework for the response.
task achievement
The response acknowledges the advantages of online access to museums and galleries, such as convenience and inclusivity, which are relevant and specific to the task.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example