Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #museums #art #galleries #objects #work #computer

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It is often argued that public

museums

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and

art

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galleries

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Change the verb form

are

show examples

no longer popular

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with

show examples

people

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in the future, since the advent of technology like online

museums

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. From my perspective, It seems absurd that

although

Linking Words

a computer improves rapidly, the arts can

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

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by feeling directly.

To begin

Linking Words

with, I accept that nowadays, many

people

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enjoy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

art

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through online access

due to

Linking Words

the

convience

Correct your spelling

convenience

Firstly

Linking Words

, anyone who can use the Internet easily access the museum and

galleries

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's homepage regardless of time, and

then

Linking Words

appreciate a

varitey

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variety

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art works

Correct your spelling

artworks

show examples

Thesedays

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These days

because of the rapid development of

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

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, the famous museum on the global stage

alreday

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already

make

Verb problem

has

show examples

a system like

online

Correct article usage

an online

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tour program for everyone.

Also

Linking Words

, governments encourage

art

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communities to utilize online

process

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processes

show examples

for disabled

social

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apply

show examples

people

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On the other hand

Linking Words

, I am convinced that

Remove the article

apply

show examples

plenty of

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art

Fix the agreement mistake

arts

show examples

crafts

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and crafts

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gives

Correct subject-verb agreement

give

show examples

citizens more

deep

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deeper

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impression when they visit there in

personal

Replace the word

person

show examples

. First of all, the value of

masterpiece

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a masterpiece

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enavitable

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inevitable

imcompareble

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incomparable

incomparably

touching.

For example

Linking Words

, the reason is that many tourists still visit the biggest

museums

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like the MoMa to see famous paintings. they want to gain

the

Correct article usage

show examples

great moment for feeling

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

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own attraction

such

Linking Words

as unique

color

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colour

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, overwhelming size and real

inspiring

Replace the word

inspiration

show examples

. It is irreplaceable.

Moreover

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

visiting famous

galleries

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Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would be good memories in our lives. It helps clear our

mind

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minds

show examples

and relieve stress.

In addition

Linking Words

, If someone

will go

Wrong verb form

goes

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

museums

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galleries

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and see

own

Correct pronoun usage

their own

his own

her own

show examples

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

paintings, they might forget about all

worries

Correct pronoun usage

their worries

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in their busy life and focus on feeling the arts. the time is worth

to check

Change the verb form

checking

show examples

out. In conclusion, historical objects and

work

Fix the agreement mistake

works

show examples

art

Use synonyms

give us awesome memories and strengthen our daily life.

Hence

Linking Words

, the value of

art

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museums

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and

galleries

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is underestimated.

Submitted by jihyei0910 on Mon Oct 14 2024

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task achievement

The essay provides a reasonable response to the task. However, to achieve a higher score, it's important to delve more deeply into the main points. For instance, explore more on how physical interaction with art can evoke emotions that can't be replicated online.

coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from clearly structured paragraphs with a more logical progression of ideas. Additionally, linking words and phrases can be used more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, setting a solid framework for the response.

task achievement

The response acknowledges the advantages of online access to museums and galleries, such as convenience and inclusivity, which are relevant and specific to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Digital mediums
Curated experiences
Cultural heritage
Art appreciation
Personal engagement
Cultural exchange
Preservation and protection
Atmosphere
Interactive exhibits
Educational value
Virtual tours

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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the age of digital communication and social media,face-to-face interactions are becoming less common.Some people think that this is decreasing people's ability to communicate well in person. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits in society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the advantages?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behavior. What is your opinion?

These days many parents want their children to study a second language such as English. Do you think it is important for younger children to study a new language? Do you think schools should teach every student in primary school a second language?