Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that public

museums

Use synonyms

and

art

Use synonyms

galleries

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

are

show examples

no longer popular

Change preposition

with

show examples

people

Use synonyms

in the future, since the advent of technology like online

museums

Use synonyms

. From my perspective, It seems absurd that

although

Linking Words

a computer improves rapidly, the arts can

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

by feeling directly.

To begin

Linking Words

with, I accept that nowadays, many

people

Use synonyms

enjoy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

art

Use synonyms

through online access

due to

Linking Words

the

convience

Correct your spelling

convenience

Firstly

Linking Words

, anyone who can use the Internet easily access the museum and

galleries

Use synonyms

's homepage regardless of time, and

then

Linking Words

appreciate a

varitey

Correct your spelling

variety

Use synonyms

art works

Correct your spelling

artworks

show examples

Thesedays

Correct your spelling

These days

because of the rapid development of

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

, the famous museum on the global stage

alreday

Correct your spelling

already

make

Verb problem

has

show examples

a system like

online

Correct article usage

an online

show examples

tour program for everyone.

Also

Linking Words

, governments encourage

art

Use synonyms

communities to utilize online

process

Fix the agreement mistake

processes

show examples

for disabled

social

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I am convinced that

Remove the article

apply

show examples

plenty of

Use synonyms

art

Fix the agreement mistake

arts

show examples

crafts

Correct word choice

and crafts

show examples

gives

Correct subject-verb agreement

give

show examples

citizens more

deep

Correct word choice

deeper

show examples

impression when they visit there in

personal

Replace the word

person

show examples

. First of all, the value of

masterpiece

Correct article usage

a masterpiece

show examples

enavitable

Correct your spelling

inevitable

imcompareble

Correct your spelling

incomparable

incomparably

touching.

For example

Linking Words

, the reason is that many tourists still visit the biggest

museums

Use synonyms

like the MoMa to see famous paintings. they want to gain

the

Correct article usage

show examples

great moment for feeling

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

own attraction

such

Linking Words

as unique

color

Change the spelling

colour

show examples

, overwhelming size and real

inspiring

Replace the word

inspiration

show examples

. It is irreplaceable.

Moreover

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

visiting famous

galleries

Use synonyms

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would be good memories in our lives. It helps clear our

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

and relieve stress.

In addition

Linking Words

, If someone

will go

Wrong verb form

goes

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

museums

Use synonyms

galleries

Use synonyms

and see

own

Correct pronoun usage

their own

his own

her own

show examples

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

paintings, they might forget about all

worries

Correct pronoun usage

their worries

show examples

in their busy life and focus on feeling the arts. the time is worth

to check

Change the verb form

checking

show examples

out. In conclusion, historical objects and

work

Fix the agreement mistake

works

show examples

art

Use synonyms

give us awesome memories and strengthen our daily life.

Hence

Linking Words

, the value of

art

Use synonyms

museums

Use synonyms

and

galleries

Use synonyms

is underestimated.

jihyei0910

Oct 14, 2024

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task achievement

The essay provides a reasonable response to the task. However, to achieve a higher score, it's important to delve more deeply into the main points. For instance, explore more on how physical interaction with art can evoke emotions that can't be replicated online.

coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from clearly structured paragraphs with a more logical progression of ideas. Additionally, linking words and phrases can be used more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, setting a solid framework for the response.

task achievement

The response acknowledges the advantages of online access to museums and galleries, such as convenience and inclusivity, which are relevant and specific to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Digital mediums
Curated experiences
Cultural heritage
Art appreciation
Personal engagement
Cultural exchange
Preservation and protection
Atmosphere
Interactive exhibits
Educational value
Virtual tours

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