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Band 5

Part 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words. Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#part #minutes #people #competition #work #school #life
People
 tend to spend time together, work together, and eventually live together, which
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 nature of
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
show examples
.
However
, an intimate relationship can
also
 lead to endless arguments and fights. That's why it's
crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 for us to seek a way to maintain a proper balance between any kind of relationship in life.
Competition
 in school or at work
is generally consider
Change the verb form
is generally considered
show examples
 as a motivation for one to achieve a better outcome.
For example
, back when I was at school, there was a mechanism designed to record scores that all students got on every
quizs
Correct your spelling
quizzes
quiz
 and
exams
Fix the agreement mistake
exam
show examples
, and the teacher would show the final results of performance to everyone in class
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the semester. The purpose of
this
 action wasn't only for students to keep track
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
, but
also
 a channel to remind
people
 of the ranking they were among their classmates , and hopefully,
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them a reason and stimulation of being afraid of leaving behind,
as a consequence
, to study harder and get a higher score.
On the other hand
, it is no doubt that too much
competition
 often brings a lack of efficiency in productivity, especially for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work that requires a
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
 proportion of teamwork.
People
 might focus so much on the
competition
 that they oversee the power of cooperation can actually do. In my opinion,
competition
 and collaboration are both essential for
people
 to strive
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 our society a better place. They just have to
be apply
Change the verb form
be applied
show examples
 to a moderate extent to create a friendly environment
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 we can make progress and still perfectly cooperate with others at the same time.
Submitted by pizzaok851107 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to create a smoother transition between paragraphs and ideas for better flow. Use linking words such as 'moreover', 'furthermore', and 'in contrast'.
Task Response
Ensure that each example you provide clearly supports your main argument. While the example of the school competition is relevant, try to integrate it more fluidly into the discussion.
Language and Grammar
Work on reducing grammatical errors such as 'consider as' which should be 'considered as' and 'quizs' which should be 'quizzes'.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, demonstrating a complete understanding of the given task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is balanced with both sides of the topic discussed supported by personal experience and general observations.
Task Response
The writer effectively presents their own opinion at the end, summarizing the arguments nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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