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Writing Samples
Band 5

Part 2 Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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People
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 tend to spend time together, work together, and eventually live together, which
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems

It seems that the verb seem does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 to be
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 nature of
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings

The word human-beings doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, an intimate relationship can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 lead to endless arguments and fights. That's why it's
crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical

If you don’t want crutial to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

for us to seek a way to maintain a proper balance between any kind of relationship in life.
Competition
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in school or at work
is generally consider
Change the verb form
is generally considered

It appears that the form of the verb consider does not work with is in this sentence.

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 as a motivation for one to achieve a better outcome.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, back when I was at school, there was a mechanism designed to record scores that all students got on every
quizs
Correct your spelling
quizzes
quiz

If you don’t want quizs to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and
exams
Fix the agreement mistake
exam

It seems that exams may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, and the teacher would show the final results of performance to everyone in class
in
Change the preposition
at

The preposition in may be incorrect. Consider changing it to a different preposition.

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 the end of the semester. The purpose of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 action wasn't only for students to keep track
on
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 their own
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies

It seems that study may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a channel to remind
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of the ranking they were among their classmates , and hopefully,
giving
Wrong verb form
give

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb giving. Consider changing it.

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 them a reason and stimulation of being afraid of leaving behind,
as a consequence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to study harder and get a higher score.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is no doubt that too much
competition
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 often brings a lack of efficiency in productivity, especially for
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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work that requires a
highly
Change the adverb
high

It appears that the adverb highly is attempting to modify the noun proportion. Consider replacing the adverb with an adjective.

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 proportion of teamwork.
People
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 might focus so much on the
competition
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 that they oversee the power of cooperation can actually do. In my opinion,
competition
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and collaboration are both essential for
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to strive
for making
Change preposition
to make

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 our society a better place. They just have to
be apply
Change the verb form
be applied

It appears that the form of the verb apply does not work with be in this sentence.

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 to a moderate extent to create a friendly environment
that
Correct word choice
where

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 we can make progress and still perfectly cooperate with others at the same time.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to create a smoother transition between paragraphs and ideas for better flow. Use linking words such as 'moreover', 'furthermore', and 'in contrast'.
Task Response
Ensure that each example you provide clearly supports your main argument. While the example of the school competition is relevant, try to integrate it more fluidly into the discussion.
Language and Grammar
Work on reducing grammatical errors such as 'consider as' which should be 'considered as' and 'quizs' which should be 'quizzes'.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, demonstrating a complete understanding of the given task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is balanced with both sides of the topic discussed supported by personal experience and general observations.
Task Response
The writer effectively presents their own opinion at the end, summarizing the arguments nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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