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Writing Samples
Band 7

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more imporant. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#university #education #job #hand #people #skills #imporant
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The debate over whether completing a
university
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education
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 or gaining
experience
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 and developing soft
skills
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 is the superior route to securing a good
job
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 is a longstanding one. Many believe that getting an excellent
education
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 in
university
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 or college is the best way to secure a
job
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,
while
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 others contend that it is not necessary
,
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apply
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 and that having some practical
experience
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 and communication
skills
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 is much better.
This
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 essay agrees that being an educated specialist with a degree has more benefits when building a career. On the one hand, real-world
experience
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 often trumps academic qualifications when it comes to securing employment. Practical acquaintance with the
job
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 allows individuals to apply theoretical
knowledge
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 in a particular setting and to get familiar with insides that are directly relevant to the demands of the
job
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 market.
Besides
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, soft
skills
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such
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 as communication, adaptability, and leadership, which are essential for success in the workplace, are often best acquired through hands-on
experience
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 and interpersonal interactions.
For example
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, there are many IT specialists without formal
education
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 but with good careers because they are interested enough in programming and gained valuable
knowledge
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while
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 learning it themselves and designing their own projects.
However
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, it is hard enough to find a
job
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 for someone new and inexperienced without any kind of recommendations,
hence
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, having an
education
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 is at least something that might make the candidate stand out from other candidates.
On the other hand
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, there are many high-paid and well-respected careers that will not be possible to build without a diploma,
for example
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, doctors, lawyers, architects, pilots, and scientists.
While
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experience
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 and soft
skills
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 are
also
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 quite important, they are not enough. These occupations still require specialized
knowledge
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 and training that can only be obtained through formal
education
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, making a
university
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 degree inseparable from entry into those fields. Potential employers will definitely check if the candidate has the needed qualifications.
To conclude
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,
while
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 some argue that formal
education
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 is no longer as much needed as it used to be to have a good life , and it is overestimated,
this
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 essay insists that
university
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education
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 provides a solid foundation of
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 that make a
job
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-seeker look more sophisticated in the eyes of companies and organizations.
Submitted by natallia.khrenava on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and flow. While your essay is well-structured, injecting a greater variety of sentence types could make your argument even more engaging.
task achievement
To further improve task achievement, ensure that each paragraph succinctly presents its main idea and that this idea is explored in depth. You've done well in presenting and supporting your argument; deeper exploration could elevate your score further.
task achievement
When giving examples, try to integrate a mix of general and specific real-world scenarios. You have given good examples, but incorporating specific statistical data or case studies might make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Remember to proofread for minor grammatical errors or typos that can distract from your argument. Your essay is generally well-written, but ensuring it is error-free can contribute positively to the reader's perception.
task achievement
You've done an excellent job of discussing both sides of the argument and presenting a clear standpoint, which is crucial for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, providing a clear overview of your essay's direction and succinctly summarizing your findings, which contributes positively to your score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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