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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many think that religion should be taught in schools while others think it should be avoided. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#religion #schools
The debate of whether
religion
 should be taught in
schools
 has been brought up; some are in favour
while
 the majority refuse it.
Hence
, in
this
 essay, I will describe the arguments on both sides in the following paragraphs and my opinion will be given. Proponents of teaching
religion
 in
schools
 argue that it is a basis for building well manner for mankind.Teaching
religion
 as a subject in class allows each to know the value of respect, faith, beliefs, good deeds, sympathy, and mindfulness.
For instance
,
students
 are able to learn proper manners and gestures to do in front of elders, polite ways to communicate in society even with peers, and empathy with youngsters, the majority of people believe these can contribute to building a good environment and society. In spite of these positive effects,
in contrast
, some opponents are quick to point out the fact that there are several reasons why
religion
 ought not to be taught in
schools
. First of all, religious articles are heavy, sensitive,
uncomfortable
Correct word choice
and uncomfortable
show examples
, and it would be
such
 a boring subject for
students
. It may lead children to be superstitious in the wrong way in
this
 modern century.
As well as
 for the teachers, it would be difficult to digest all varieties of religions in order to teach back to the
students
. Having both sides of arguments considered, in my opinion, I passionately believe that
schools
 should not establish
religions
Fix the agreement mistake
religion
show examples
 as a subject in classes or courses as
students
 may lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in it, and
students
 should only focus on academic subjects which can solve many potential issues
occurs
Correct subject-verb agreement
occur
show examples
 in society throughout the life.
Submitted by mamamonkey45 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the logical flow between your points. Each paragraph should seamlessly lead into the next to maintain a coherent narrative. For instance, linking the proponents' viewpoint directly to a counter-argument could improve the flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Providing concrete examples can strengthen the relevance and persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and reaffirming your stance by the end.
task achievement
You present and discuss both perspectives on the issue, demonstrating an understanding of different viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • religious education
  • multi-faith society
  • values and ethics
  • tolerance
  • diversity
  • religious freedom
  • secular education
  • curriculum
  • worldviews
  • interfaith dialogue
  • religious literacy
  • moral guidance
  • cultural understanding
  • critical thinking
  • respect
  • indoctrination
  • religious beliefs
  • secular state
  • religious extremism
  • academic subject
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