IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

‘It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they live in.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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A plethora of individuals, including myself, believe that it is fundamental for immigrants to gain knowledge about the cultural and historical background of the places they
chose
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choose
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 to move to.
This
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 point of view has developed
due to
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 the solid points that will be mentioned in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that when a person decides to live in a certain nation, they become an essential part of its community.
Thus
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, they have to put some effort
in
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into
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 learning more about its history because history is what shaped
this
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 community the way they see it today.
Not to mention
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 that historical events that a country witnessed could have a great influence on its lifestyle, fashion and cuisines as well.
For example
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, the poverty that hit France in the 19th century
due to
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 the brutal
ruling
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rule
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 of the French King Louis 16th has
enforced
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forced
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people
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 to soak unfresh bread with milk as milk was very cheap at that time.
This
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 dish has turned from a survival meal to what we call now "Pain Perdue" or the "French Toast" in English.
Hence
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,
people
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 who visit or reside in France must know that
this
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 country and its
people
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 have certainly faced some dark times in their history.
This
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 will bring
in
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them a high sense of appreciation for
this
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 land and its citizens. It is
also
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 unarguable that learning the culture and the language of the place is very important for immigrants.
Although
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 English is spoken in most
of
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the
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countries, it is still crucial for foreigners to grasp the opportunity of learning the language of the places they live in as
this
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 will make their life a lot easier and more flexible as they would be able to communicate with their society more effectively without any misunderstanding here and there because
people
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 can express themselves better using their mother language. A great example of that would be my personal experience when I travelled to Germany
last
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 winter. When I spoke with
people
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 in German, they were more helpful and understood everything I asked for with no ambiguity or misconceptions. In conclusion, I strongly believe that immigration requires adapting and coping with the culture and the traditions of the new destination.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction to guide the reader. Consider adding a brief outline of the points you will discuss.
task achievement
Expand your conclusion to summarize your main arguments more elaborately, reinforcing why understanding history and culture is critical for immigrants.
task achievement
Some examples, while illuminating, could benefit from deeper analysis to link back more explicitly to your main argument.
task achievement
You present a strong argument for why understanding history and culture is crucial for immigrants, supported by relevant examples and personal experience.
task achievement
The use of examples from your experiences adds a personal touch that engages the reader and illustrates your point effectively.
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