More and more people in their free time are doing dangerous activities such as mounting climbing. Is this a positive or negative development?

One of the most popular hobbies in the world is camping, and some aspects of
this
are very dangerous, but there are
also
many beneficial aspects for human health. Many people do not have time to relax when they are on vacation or want to relax in a quiet place for holidays or some events. Every time
if
Correct word choice
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they have a chance to choose for vocation and
then
they prefer the mountain or that type of space because. Nowadays all plays are noisy
for example
workplace parks or restaurants. So the
mountains
and their surroundings are very beautiful and the main thing is the air because there are many trees there and most importantly there is a construction or production campaign there. And
this
is very useful for human health. and mostly in the city, there is a lot of toxic air that's why many people like the
mountains
. But in the
mountains
, mostly wild animals live around the
mountains
,
for example
, there are many snakes, wolves, foxes and similar evil animals.
This
this
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poses a great danger to human life.
For example
, when people are walking, animals can be thrown at them, or snakes can come and bite
while
they are picnicking.And the most basic and most dangerous thing is that you can slip down from the mountain.
In addition
, there can be rock avalanches on the mountain or rapid weather changes. it may rain quickly. In conclusion,If a person takes all safety measures,
this
hobby will be very profitable. But if there are no safety measures,
this
bad end can end in death
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to provide a more specific thesis statement in the introduction. For instance, mention if you believe the trend towards dangerous activities is primarily positive or negative and briefly why.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your second point earlier in the paragraph to make it clear that you are speaking about the hazards in mountain activities. This can help to ensure your argument is understood more easily.
coherence cohesion
Avoid run-on sentences and segment your ideas into shorter, more concise sentences. This will make your points clearer and easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay provides valid points regarding both the positive and negative aspects of participating in potentially dangerous activities such as mountain climbing.
coherence cohesion
The use of specific examples, such as wild animals and rock avalanches, helps to support the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main ideas well and reinforces the need for safety measures.

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