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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the average price per kilo of clothing imported into the European Union from seven major countries of origin in 1997 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the average price per kilo of clothing imported into the European Union from seven major countries of origin in 1997 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart compares
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of clothing prices in 7 major nations between 1997
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2003 in the European countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, as can be seen, Argentina had a significant average of clothing.
while
Linking Words
 Bangladesh received the lowest Peak. Both two years in Brazil had the same
number
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
, in 1993, Argentina had a bigger trend in clothing around 28.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Japan received a middle figure of 15
Points
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, in
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 and India, spending on
clothes
Use synonyms
 wear a fewer than in Japan around 15 from 5 to 8
points
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Bangladesh had the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of clothing nearly 2.
Finally
Linking Words
, Brazil had the same point of spending on
clothes
Use synonyms
 in the same
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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 24.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2003, a h highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
clothes
Use synonyms
 in was more than 25
Points
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, China had a middle spending
clothes
Use synonyms
 around 16.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, Japan and India had nearly Similar
Points
Use synonyms
 from 13 to 12.
While
Linking Words
 in the Bangladesh
number
Use synonyms
 of Spending
Clothes
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 than 5.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, points, clothes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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