Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One of the most controversial topics today relates to how lawbreakers are treated. As some individuals claim that offering education and
job
training opportunities is more efficient than imprisoning them, I partially agree with the
Correct determiner usage
this
view
.
On the one hand, the reason why I agree with the view
is that some offenders do wrongdoings because of their appalling economic situations. For instance
, some of them have no option but to rob others of their wealth to survive because they are out of work. Thus
, if they are provided with education or job
training, they are more likely to obtain a job
, resulting in deterrence of their criminal actions in the future.
Another justification for my view
is that the majority of criminals are arrested of
minor crimes. Change preposition
for
Thus
, they are likely to modify their behaviours and attitudes towards society when they become more sophisticated. Additionally
, allowing them to assimilate knowledge and expertise in society rather than being isolated in prison will reinforce relationships between them and their community, which will deter them from committing a crime again.
However
, I believe that there are some exceptions. some criminals will not change their mindsets and be highly likely to break laws repeatedly while
others are also
not worthy of leaving the prison due to
their heavy crimes. Therefore
, they should be severely evaluated whether education and job
training opportunities will help them and whether they are worth it or not.
In conclusion, I partially advocate the view
that educating offenders and offering them job
training opportunities are more effective than imprisoning them because some of them offended against their will and they are likely to amend their doings when they are well educated. However
, they should be strictly assessed whether they deserve it or not.Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
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task achievement
Ensure a balanced approach by discussing both sides of the argument more equally, if applicable. The essay currently leans more towards agreeing with the statement.
coherence cohesion
Though minor grammatical errors are present (such as "do wrongdoings" and "are arrested of minor crimes"), they do not impede understanding. However, aim to resolve these in future essays.
coherence cohesion
Include more transitions and linking words to further enhance flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the discussion with a concise statement of agreement/disagreement.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples that support the main points, enhancing the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion neatly ties back to the introduction and provides a strong summary of the arguments presented.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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