IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

It is too expensive to look after and repair old building. This money should be spent on building modern building instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#repair #money
It is undeniably true that major cities around the world are developing. There is an argument that investors should only focus on investing in new
buildings
，
whereas
 advocates disapproval of these ideas believe that old constructions should be invested in for restoration.
Although
 historical
buildings
 have the educational meaning to preserve, I would support the idea that modern ones can meet
the
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apply
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contemporary needs and make the most of the
city
 space. On the one hand, supporters of preserving old constructions think that these types of
buildings
 can provide profound stories of the
city
. Ancient houses which were built in the past are a great example of
a
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local history. By visiting
buildings
such
 as churches, town halls and
city
 councils, visitors can have a sound understanding of what livelihood looked like in the past.
For example
, in a prestigious high school called Fuzhong
school
Capitalize word
School
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 in China, students are taken to visit the old river dam for a science excursion, which enables them to understand how ancient people controlled the river flow.
However
, I support the opinion that the investment should be put into constructing more modern
buildings
 to meet the needs of today's people.
On the other hand
, it is suggested that investment should be focusing on contemporary constructions solely as they serve modern needs and use the
city
 space wisely. Thanks to the advancement of architecture and urban design, new
buildings
 can now meet various needs at the same time, which optimised the usage of land in a very effective way. Taking the 88 Sky Deck which
located
Add a missing verb
is located
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 in the Melbourn CBD as an example, the high-rise building accommodates more than a hundred apartments and 50 more small businesses all at the same time, it even offers underground car parking for all tenants.
Therefore
, investing in modern construction is more feasible. In conclusion, maintaining historical
buildings
 has its meaning for educating people,
whereas
 I support the idea that investors should put their money into building more new ones.
Submitted by Ming on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the range of cohesive devices and linking phrases to strengthen the argument flow.
task achievement
Incorporate a broader range of specific examples to enrich the discussion and support your points more vividly.
task achievement
Consider addressing potential counterarguments more explicitly to enhance the balanced analysis and depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured argument, effectively introducing and concluding the topic.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the 88 Sky Deck and Fuzhong school, effectively illustrate your points.
task achievement
Your position is clear, and you maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Historical integrity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Tangible connection
  • Sustainable development
  • Revitalizing
  • Repurposing
  • Heritage tourism
  • Economic diversity
  • Environmental degradation
  • Carbon emissions
  • Cityscapes
  • Architectural diversity
  • Cultural identity
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