IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
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People
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 have different opinions on pupils deciding to work or
travel
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 for a
year
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 between finishing high school and starting university studies. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the decision. For the advantage side, young
people
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 choose work or
travel
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 first
instead
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 of getting into
college
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 is they will have more
experience
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 or financial support for
life
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,
for example
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, young
people
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 who chosen work for a
year
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, not only earn the tuition fee which is
college
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 need to charge, but
also
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 have more
experience
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 of searching the hobbit of
life
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, through to the
job
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, it can learn
life
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 skills and
job
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 skills, meanwhile, can help to decide the
college
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 major which is the interest for,
On the other hand
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, chose to
travel
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 can
experience
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 which country prefers to live, and what the lifestyle is it because the
college
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 does not require to stay at hometown, it can be anywhere in the earth,
thus
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 the reason, during the
travel
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 can experient the local
life
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 and the
job
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 market. The
gap
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year
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 is helpful to make a
life
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 decision. For the disadvantages side, those
people
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 who chose a
gap
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year
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 will need to delay their bachelor's degree one more
year
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, which causes less competitiveness in entering the
job
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 market, and seeing the same age friend already being a good workforce for society becomes stressful, it is very hard to no competitive with friends or classmates,
Moreover
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, elderly seems the
gap
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year
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experience
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 like a relax of
life
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, it is waste of time and meaningfulness. Society tends to see
gap
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year
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 as a runaway decision of live duty, during the interview of
college
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, they will notice the difference between the student who does not choose to have a
gap
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year
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, and the interviewer will hope that there is a reasonable reason for the
gap
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year
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.
Overall
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, working or travelling for a
year
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 between finishing high school and starting university studies has both sides of advantages and disadvantages,
that is
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 no correct answer to it, chose one that will not regret, and enjoy it.
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coherence cohesion
Consider defining paragraphs more distinctly. Each main point should be in its own paragraph, with a clear beginning and end.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each sentence naturally leads to the next and that linking words or phrases are used to guide the reader.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity of ideas by rephrasing or elaborating on certain points, such as financial support benefits or cultural experiences during travel.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or scenarios to support claims, especially when discussing social perceptions and job market competitiveness.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, offering a balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
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