Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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should be responsible
to
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for
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fostering
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children
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children's
show examples
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habit
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habits
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on
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of
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healhty
Correct your spelling
healthy
diet
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or it should be
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Correct article usage
the parents
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parents
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parents'
parent's
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roles
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role
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.
While
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some advocate that
school
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have
essential
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an essential
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role in navigating
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children
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children's
show examples
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habit
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habits
show examples
others believe that
parents
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are
holding
Verb problem
apply
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the
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apply
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responsible as the
first
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place
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to learn.
This
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essay will explore
both
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perspective
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perspectives
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before presenting a reasoned conclusion. On
one
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the one
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hand,
school
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only
act
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acts
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as a
place
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to learn but
also
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a part of
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children
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children's
show examples
life since they
are
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apply
show examples
mostly spend their time at
school
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.
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School
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Schools
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also
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can make a regulation related to
food
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consume
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consumption
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for their students so it can
creating
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create
be creating
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a healthy
diet
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habit
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.
Additionally
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, the
children
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will not
feel
Verb problem
find it
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too hard to follow the
rule
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rules
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since their friends will
also
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doing
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do
be doing
show examples
it.
This
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environmental support will make the
habit
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easier to
followed
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follow
show examples
by
children
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.
Conversely
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, those who believe that a healthy
diet
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is
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Correct article usage
the parents
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parents
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parents'
parent's
show examples
responsible
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responsibility
show examples
since they act as the
first
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place
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to learn for their
children
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.
In
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At
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a young age,
kid
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the kid
a kid
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will only eat what their
parents
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serve, so it is essential to teach them
eating
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to eat
show examples
healthy
food
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in the
first
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place
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.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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should give
example
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examples
show examples
and take
a
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apply
show examples
part in consuming
healhty
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healthy
food
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in their daily
life
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lives
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so that their
children
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will take
example
Add an article
an example
show examples
and follow their
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habit
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habits
show examples
. In my view,
while
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both
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school
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and
parents
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have their own vital
roles
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, a
balance
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balanced
show examples
approach that integrates
both
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parts is the most beneficial. At home,
parents
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can nurture their
children
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to have a healthy
diet
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while
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also
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giving them knowledge about its
benefit
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benefits
show examples
.
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School
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Schools
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can
also
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supporting
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support
be supporting
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them by making
a rules
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rules
a rule
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that students should
consuming
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consume
be consuming
show examples
healthy
food
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and
monitoring
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monitor
show examples
them regularly. In conclusion, the debate
between
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about
show examples
whether
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
or
parents
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that held responsible for
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children
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children's
show examples
healthy
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diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
highlights each
party
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party's
show examples
roles
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.
While
Linking Words
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
act as environmental support to the
children
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,
parents
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held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
essential
roles
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as the
first
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for
children
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to learn. A balancing approach for
colaborating
Correct your spelling
collaborating
both
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school
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support and
parents
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roles
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can make a better outcome for navigating
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
healthy
diet
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, provide more specific examples to support each point. This could include actual strategies schools might implement or examples of how parents can influence their children's diet.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. This can be achieved by linking sentences more effectively with transitional phrases.
task achievement
Clarify some of your ideas to make them more comprehensive. For example, explain how a supportive environment at school directly impacts children's eating habits.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, providing a well-rounded view.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which helps structure the essay well.
coherence cohesion
The writer takes a balanced approach in the conclusion, effectively integrating both perspectives discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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