IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #poverty #person’s #nature
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Crime rates
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the countries
show
Wrong verb form
have shown
show examples
 a significant rise over the past few years
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several reasons. Some argue that criminal
activities
 are a result of
socital
Correct your spelling
societal
social
 issues and neediness,
while
 others argue that
innappropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
 individual behaviors cause crimes. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is clear to address both the reasons importantly. Crimes or offences can be
catergorized
Correct your spelling
categorised
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 different aspects
such
 as illegal
activities
, murders and smuggling etc.. those which cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
danger or any damage to individuals, personal properties and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Socital
Correct your spelling
Social
 issues associated with
Add an article
the economy
show examples
economy
Change the noun form
economies
show examples
such
 as financial instability of the country, depreciation of money value, imposition of higher taxes, political instability and lower per capita income can lead to poverty and economic decline in
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 term.
As a result
,
people
 will be encouraged to conduct illegal
activities
 like theft and
mruders
Correct your spelling
murders
murder
 because of
Correct article usage
the stressfull
show examples
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
 lives they live. Eventually,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of negative
activities
 will lead the country towards a security risk.
On the other hand
,
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 patterns and some adverse
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 can
also
 convert
people
 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 proven
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 that
drug addicted
Add a hyphen
drug-addicted
show examples
 individuals tend to theft from others when they run out of money to buy drugs and
people
 who associate thugs and
people
 who are connected to
under-world
Correct article usage
the under-world
show examples
 will eventually convert
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
as
Change preposition
into
show examples
 criminals like serial killers. In conclusion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
Correct article usage
a certian
show examples
certian
Correct your spelling
certain
 proportion of effect on
people
 becoming criminals.
Therefore
, as a
nation
Add a comma
nation,
show examples
 we should be more
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 social problems, poverty and adverse
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of
people
 to eliminate and reduce the risk of crimes.
Submitted by samadhi22ch on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on using connectors and transitional words more effectively to ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by providing more relevant specific examples to support your arguments and add depth to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting both sides of the argument and expressing a clear opinion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion successfully encapsulates the main points discussed and reiterates the importance of addressing both causes of crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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