IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that it is better to stay with one company during a career. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #company #career #point
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Nowadays, many people, especially younger people, consider changing jobs.
On the other hand
, some people suppose that a career at the same workplace is a better choice. Admitting that there is always the other side of the coin of the advantages and disadvantages, the answer varies from person to person. All in all, I agree that staying in one
company
 is a better decision throughout our careers. There are two reasons to support my idea as follows. First and foremost, I reckon that a long career in the same
company
 enables us to master more technical skills or knowledge.
For example
, in the IT industry, workers are required to learn specific knowledge to incorporate programs with their original products. Indeed, since these devices often move with unique methods, it is difficult for junior engineers to understand.
Therefore
, we should accumulate a lot of experience throughout our long careers to master more specific knowledge fitting each workplace.
Secondly
, but not less importantly, staying at the same
company
 for a long time makes it possible for us to build stronger bonds with colleagues.
For instance
, my father has worked at a bank in my hometown for over 30 years.
Thus
, I know that his credit in his workplace is quite strong. My father once told me the most important thing in work was earning credits from others, including clients and mates working together.
Hence
, a long-time work experience at one firm allows us to succeed thanks to strong bonds. That having been mentioned, I would like to hasten to add the benefits of changing workplaces or professions, e.g., expanding our perspectives or raising salaries.
Overall
, I believe that staying with one
company
 gives us more advantages,
such
 as improving our skills and building credits.
That is
 my view.
Submitted by hide8335 on

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task response
Your essay effectively addresses the task, providing a well-rounded discussion on the advantages of staying with one company. However, consider providing more counterarguments to further enhance the depth of your analysis.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, try to use more varying linking words or phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
You aptly include personal examples which add depth and authenticity to your arguments, especially the example of your father.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your argument and summarise your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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