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Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs

#people #community #service #part #school #programs
It is supposed that being engaged in volunteering ought to be mandatory in the school curriculum. I am inclined to believe doing charitable activities could positively sway teenagers' lives.
To begin
 with, extracurricular activities provide developing creativity and lend a hand
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 boosting
soft
Correct article usage
the soft
show examples
 skills of the youth.
For instance
, it is a well-known fact that humans who have
hitted
Correct your spelling
hit
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 the jackpot and become successful tend to be beneficial to society and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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donate their money to charity.
Moreover
, participating in volunteering could help adolescents
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get into the best universities around the world
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 could be an impressive and magnificent start
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
As a consequence
, Harvard, Yale, and Stanford are likely to offer scholarships to abiturientes who have already made something essential for society and have taken part in unpaid community service.
On the other hand
, making volunteering a compulsory part of high school programs can badly influence minors. They could start having hatred for
this
 type of activity,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 they will never take it up once more. Some prisoners began doing illegal actions not because of their position. They did not just admire doing things as it was said at school. One statement or event can influent differently on various
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
show examples
 and girls. In conclusion, the essay supports the idea that including charitable activities in scholar programs is vital for future generations,
furthermore
, it could develop their leadership skills and help to be a part of a
close knit
Add a hyphen
close-knit
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 team.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, it should be used in their interests and
embody
Wrong verb form
embodied
show examples
 properly in
curricular
Replace the word
curricula
show examples
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all points in your essay are clearly linked and organized to improve the logical flow. Some of the connections between ideas, particularly between paragraphs and the points within them, could be strengthened for better coherence.
Task Achievement
In each paragraph, make sure to fully explain how examples support the main point or idea. Some of the examples in your essay could be expanded on to illustrate how they directly relate to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining a cohesive structure throughout.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as mentioning top universities offering scholarships to students engaged in community service. This supports your points effectively.
Task Achievement
The argument is well-developed, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of compulsory community service, which shows a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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