IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centres and only bicycles be allowed instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cars #transport #city #centres #bicycles
Many divergent views exist on the best modes of transportation to be used in the heart of the cities.
This
 essay argues that only bikes should be permitted in town
centers
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centres
show examples
,
while
 automobiles and buses should be prohibited
due to
 their contributions to
traffic
 congestion and air pollution.
First,
the primary reason for my viewpoint is that vehicles and public transport are responsible for
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
.
In other words
,
due to
 the fact that there has been an increase in the number of people owing private cars and the inadequate infrastructure in many major cities to deal with the high volume of
traffic
; downtown areas are always congested.
Thus
, adversely influencing the businesses and people’s lives there; leading to longer commuting times and frequent unavoidable delays. Unsurprisingly, a 2019 study, conducted by a group of researchers at the University of Cambridge, UK, found improved flow when the residents of certain
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 used bicycles for transportation, resulting in a
traffic free
Add a hyphen
traffic-free
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 zone. Another compelling reason for my stance is the harmful impact of cars and buses
to
Change preposition
on
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 the environment. Carbon dioxide is emitted from
burning
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the burning
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 of fossil fuels,
consequently
, trapped CO2 in
earth’s
Correct article usage
the earth’s
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 atmosphere leads to increased temperatures,
hence
, a phenomenon called global warming.
In addition
 to that, road
traffic
 emissions from petrol and diesel engines detrimentally influence the air quality.
Moreover
, evidence illustrates that bikes are environmentally friendly compared to other transportation systems. In conclusion, I hold the opinion that
,
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apply
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 vehicles and taxis should be forbidden from city
centers
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centres
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 and only cycles should be authorized
,
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apply
show examples
 because they are eco-friendly and associated with decreased crowding.
Submitted by hayatauqeer on

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task achievement
While your ideas are clear, you can improve your score by strengthening the use of specific examples to back up your points more thoroughly. More concrete data or varied examples can help.
coherence cohesion
Consider building more complex sentences and using varied linking words to enhance cohesion and make transitions between paragraphs even smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task by providing a clear stance and relevant ideas to support it.
task achievement
Your points about traffic congestion and environmental impact are effectively explained and relevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • traffic
  • improve
  • viable
  • population
  • investment
  • infrastructure
  • policy
What to do next:
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