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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Part 1 The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the tendency of the preference for the location of
dance
Use synonyms
 classes for a certain age of
people
Use synonyms
, and the bar graph below shows how
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages cling to different types of
dance
Use synonyms
 classes. As the largest portion in the pie graph shows, it seems that most young
people
Use synonyms
 prefer classes taught in a professional private studio, rather than in a college-based studio.
Also
Linking Words
,
dance
Use synonyms
 lessons held in school halls are somehow more popular than in community halls or others, which
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
6% greater than the latter. Refer to the bar chart, ballet, among all types of dances, has the most figures, reaching 600
people
Use synonyms
 in the group of age under 11.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, modern
dance
Use synonyms
 appeals better to the group who are at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 between 11
to16
Correct your spelling
to 16
, and
conversely
Linking Words
, not as popular as ballet to younger
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, for the
last
Linking Words
 classification of dances, two groups of
people
Use synonyms
are sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 a close percentage of students
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
showing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
to attend
Change preposition
in attending
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the tap class.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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