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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The environment is changing rapidly because humans are destroying nature to meet their needs. Discuss this cause of environmental change and suggest some solutions for this problem

Human intervention plays a significant role in influencing the natural environment. The excess consumption of
resources
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due to
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 high demand has led to rapid alterations that could potentially harm the surroundings in the long term. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the root cause and will suggest solutions to create
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sustainable survival.
Firstly
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, the human population is increasing rapidly year over year.
Secondly
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,
this
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 increases the need for food supply and land space. As the lands around the urban areas run out of space, nearby woodlands are destroyed in the name of expansion. The
resources
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 mined from these natural environments lead to pollution, loss of diversity and natural disasters.
In addition
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, the
long-termterm
Correct your spelling
long-term
 effects of loss of vegetation and climate change
due to
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 human activities need to be considered very seriously as agriculture will be impacted by these activities.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 problem does not have an easy solution and there should be serious consideration when deciding landscapes for housing.
For example
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, selecting areas low in diversity is a good choice which in turn could minimally affect nature's tapestry.
In addition
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, there should be an annual limitation on the amount of
resources
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 that can be mined and pollution levels which might slow down the damage caused by humans.
In addition
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, alternative
power
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resources
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such
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 as solar
power
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 or wind
power
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 should be used to
power
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 these housing without using coal from the logs.
Moreover
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, planting trees in the surroundings will help to rejuvenate the environment in a natural way. In my conclusion, solutions should be focused on long-term benefits rather than short-term ones to ensure that the environment is sustainable for humans and other species to survive.

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task response
Expand on specific examples that demonstrate the causes of environmental changes due to human intervention. Including more detailed real-world instances would strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, maintaining logical flow. Some areas need slightly clearer transitions to improve overall cohesion.
task response
Your introduction clearly outlines the essay's main focus and provides a good overview of the issues discussed.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the points made and reiterates the importance of long-term solutions for environmental sustainability.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • exploitation
  • conservation
  • sustainable
  • ecosystem
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy
  • recycling
  • alternative transportation
  • afforestation
  • laws and regulations
  • awareness campaigns
  • eco-friendly
  • bio-diverse
  • sustainable development
  • reduce, reuse, recycle
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