IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Torism plays an important role in the modern world. It considered as the major source of income. Likewise several disadvantages too. In these essay we discuss about the posyive and negative effect of tourism.

Nowadays,
tourism
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in some countries since it can be a valuable source of income.
However
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 can bring some drawbacks as well.
This
Linking Words
 essay explains the advantages and disadvantages of
tourism
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
tourism
Use synonyms
 is proven to bring benefits to a lot of nations. It increases the economy for local
people
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in developed countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, many local
people
Use synonyms
 in Bali run a business, whether it is a small or big
ones
Correct the article-noun agreement
one
show examples
, and they are able to get profit from tourists who visit the island for a vacation.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 helps to decrease the financial burden of the local
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the country
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
benefited
Wrong verb form
benefits
show examples
 as it is mandatory for tourists to pay Visa-on-Arrival at the airport.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the lack of regulation regarding
tourism
Use synonyms
 might
also
Linking Words
 cause
invasion
Correct article usage
an invasion
show examples
 of local property by the tourists.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a growing number of foreigners who build properties,
such
Linking Words
 as houses or restaurants in the land of Bali with their holiday visa.
This
Linking Words
 means that they ignore the
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 of staying in the country and are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
careless
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 it. Numerous protests
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been done by the local
people
Use synonyms
 to bring awareness to the local
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
, but there is no answer.
As a result
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 with no proper regulation might lead to the loss of land to a foreigner and
this
Linking Words
 undoubtedly brings disadvantage to local
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
tourism
Use synonyms
 may bring positive development to a nation as
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the economy.
However
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be the potential cause of land invasion which definitely
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 the local
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument, ensure the introduction is more clear about what the essay will cover. Try to restate this clearly upfront.
Task Achievement
In the body paragraphs, you could provide more specific examples or statistical data to support your points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow, but use more linking words to show transitions such as 'however,' 'moreover,' or 'consequently' to aid clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revisit the conclusion to ensure it effectively ties up the discussion, reaffirming the key points presented.
Language Use
Work on revising a few grammatical points for clarity and correctness, such as 'The country is also benefited...' should be 'The country also benefits...'.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both benefits and drawbacks of tourism.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, supporting arguments, opposing arguments, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You provided a specific example (Bali) to explain economic benefits effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a clear start and end to the essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tourism industry
  • Economic impact
  • Cultural exchange
  • Environmental degradation
  • Over-tourism
  • Preservation of heritage
  • Local community
  • Commercialization
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Infrastructure development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: