Torism plays an important role in the modern world. It considered as the major source of income. Likewise several disadvantages too. In these essay we discuss about the posyive and negative effect of tourism.
Nowadays,
tourism
plays a significant role in some countries since it can be a valuable source of income. However
, tourism
can bring some drawbacks as well. This
essay explains the advantages and disadvantages of tourism
.
On the one hand, tourism
is proven to bring benefits to a lot of nations. It increases the economy for local people
especially
in developed countries. Add the comma(s)
, especially
For instance
, many local people
in Bali run a business, whether it is a small or big ones
, and they are able to get profit from tourists who visit the island for a vacation. Correct the article-noun agreement
one
Therefore
, tourism
helps to decrease the financial burden of the local citizen
. Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
Furthermore
, the country is
Verb problem
apply
also
benefited
as it is mandatory for tourists to pay Visa-on-Arrival at the airport.
Wrong verb form
benefits
On the other hand
, the lack of regulation regarding tourism
might also
cause invasion
of local property by the tourists. Correct article usage
an invasion
For example
, there is a growing number of foreigners who build properties, such
as houses or restaurants in the land of Bali with their holiday visa. This
means that they ignore the regulation
of staying in the country and are Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
being
careless Unnecessary verb
apply
of
it. Numerous protests Change preposition
about
has
been done by the local Change the verb form
have
people
to bring awareness to the local goverment
, but there is no answer. Correct your spelling
government
As a result
, tourism
with no proper regulation might lead to the loss of land to a foreigner and this
undoubtedly brings disadvantage to local people
.
In conclusion, tourism
may bring positive development to a nation as they
Correct pronoun usage
it
increase
the economy. Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
However
, it can also
be the potential cause of land invasion which definitely put
the local Wrong verb form
puts
people
in
Change preposition
at
disadvantage
.Correct article usage
a disadvantage
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on
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Task Achievement
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument, ensure the introduction is more clear about what the essay will cover. Try to restate this clearly upfront.
Task Achievement
In the body paragraphs, you could provide more specific examples or statistical data to support your points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow, but use more linking words to show transitions such as 'however,' 'moreover,' or 'consequently' to aid clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revisit the conclusion to ensure it effectively ties up the discussion, reaffirming the key points presented.
Language Use
Work on revising a few grammatical points for clarity and correctness, such as 'The country is also benefited...' should be 'The country also benefits...'.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both benefits and drawbacks of tourism.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, supporting arguments, opposing arguments, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You provided a specific example (Bali) to explain economic benefits effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a clear start and end to the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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