IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many historical sites and museums are mainly visited by tourists instead of locals, what are the causes of this? Give solutions to attract locals visiting museums and historical sites

#sites #museums #tourists #locals
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these days, most people are in a good situation with money and can
visit
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 everywhere, but they choose other
places
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 to
visit
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due to
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 the fact that we can see the main visitors to ancient
places
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 and historical exhibitions are travellers
instead
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 of nations.
This
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 essay discusses the reasons for
this
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 happening and how we can solve it. Populations do not like to
visit
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 their historical sites owing to the fact that they have seen these regions several times;
moreover
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, most tourists go to these
places
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 to learn about other customs. On the one hand, if people live in one city, they
visit
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 their old
places
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 a lot; in fact, when they have foreign guests they go with them to the oldest
areas
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 to show them.
In other words
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, the oldest regions have been the same over the period of time and do not have new factors that are really fascinating for citizens.
On the other hand
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, the most crucial element that passengers
visit
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 ancient
places
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 is that they want to enhance their knowledge about the history and culture of other global districts;
consequently
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, these
places
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 are really amazing for them
while
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 the local communities know about these items. These matters can be solved by governments. On the one side, I advise that authorities play some events that show inhabitants the evidence that happened in these
places
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 and show them how they protect these
areas
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 with a range of facilities, workers, and so on. On the other side, it is essential that the governments play special historical days
such
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 as Shabe Yalda in ancient
places
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 with low-cost tickets;
thereafter
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, the number of locals that
visit
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 these
areas
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 increases.
To sum up
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, In my opinion, the main factors that can attract local people to the old
areas
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 are events and celebrations inasmuch as they see their local area a majority of the time and do not the attraction for them.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical sequence of ideas. Ensure each paragraph follows a clear pattern of stating a main idea, supporting it, and linking it to the next point.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details in your argument to make the essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs for better guidance to the reader on what each paragraph will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main argument effectively.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both parts of the task: identifying causes and suggesting solutions.
task achievement
There is an awareness of audience needs; you explain why both locals and tourists may feel differently about visiting historical sites.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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