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Band 5.5

Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #impact #lives
As
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With
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 the development of
communicating
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communication
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 technology and social media, advertisements seem to be everywhere.
However
, whether it affects
people
’s minds and is detrimental to our lives is a controversial issue. I generally agree with
this
 idea.
Firstly
, many advertisements appeal
audiences
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to audiences
show examples
 by providing narratives and values, which can shape
people
’s minds in a subliminal way. They make
people
 feel that what they bought is not just a product, but
also
identities
Correct article usage
the identities
show examples
 behind it. For
examples
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example
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, an outfit from a luxury brand can be a sign of extraordinary taste and sophistication;
while
,
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apply
show examples
 A dark
color
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colour
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 lipstick from a fast fashion cosmetic brand shows your rebellious spirit. By doing so, commercials subconsciously influence
people
 about what kind of characteristics and values are desirable, and
since
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apply
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even change the popular culture of the society
Moreover
, advertisements contribute to lower satisfaction.
People
 nowadays are exposed to all kinds of promotions from almost all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
apps,
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 and devices since
advertising income
Add a hyphen
advertising-income
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 is one of the most essential incomes for technology companies. It makes it harder for consumers to resist the temptation and more likely to spend money on unnecessary commodities. Overspending causes financial stress, which definitely has a negative impact on
people
’s lives
That is
 not to say that publicities are detrimental in any sense. Indeed, it helps
people
 to find
stuffs
Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
show examples
 that they need and offer solutions for their problems, but as companies are still promoting for the sake of profit by which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumerism
caused
Verb problem
apply
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is going to be inevitable. In conclusion, I believe that
explosion
Correct article usage
the explosion
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to
Change preposition
of
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 makes
people
 inclined to blindly pursue the values they sell, and consume more, which affects the financial health and the general happiness of our lives
Submitted by zhaodanling299 on

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task achievement
Include more concrete examples or statistics to strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure alignment between thesis and supportive arguments throughout the essay. Some sections may benefit from more explicit statements.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a strong framework to the overall argument.
task achievement
The argument presented is relevant and aligns with the topic, discussing key aspects such as advertising's influence on identity and financial stress.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow is maintained throughout the essay, with paragraphs leading smoothly from one to the next.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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