It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In
this
day and age, it is getting more and more vital for people
, including young individuals
to put much more emphasis on saving money
. In my opinion, I strongly believe that this
habit should be adopted by everyone and I will discuss these advantages in detail below
Firstly
, saving money
provides financial security and sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
future
. Since most of our lives are unpredictable and we sometimes are faced with financial hardship, saving money
can help you cope with such
adversity. For instance
, when you have a sudden medical emergency which requires a great deal of money
or job loss, these situations will leave individuals
financially vulnerable,but savings
will basically alleviate such
tough situations. Without savings
, people
have to borrow financial aid from different sources, hence
getting into debt. This
financial cushion not only allow
us to manage to get through challenges but Change the verb form
allows
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
fosters independence in the face of adversity.
Besides
this
, savings
can play an important role in forming a successful future
career. Accumulated savings
can fund significant future
investments such
as purchasing houses, cars or even starting a business as seen in developing countries as
Viet Nam, where young Correct quantifier usage
such as
individuals
often use their savings
to establish their own enterprises such
as coffee shops or restaurants. Furthermore
, since the discipline of saving money
would foster a more financially responsible mindset, people
who save money
are likely to make firm and decisive decisions and seize prospective opportunities in both professional
and personal Correct pronoun usage
their professional
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
This
habit would empower them, therefore
give
them more chance of success.
In conclusion, saving Wrong verb form
giving
money
benefits us in many aspects ranging from providing a financial safety net to funding future
investments. Therefore
, this
habit should be widely adopted by people
, including young individuals
.Submitted by dohuyhoang on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between the first and second main points by using linking phrases or words such as 'Additionally', 'Moreover', or 'Another point to consider is'.
task achievement
While the examples provided are relevant, consider diversifying them further by including more global contexts or varying the examples to include less obvious aspects of personal savings benefits.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion and what the essay will discuss.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant and clear examples to support the argument.
logical structure
Each paragraph has a clear main point which is supported with explanations and examples.