Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults

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It is claimed that the youth who commit

crimes

had better be punished as adults.

This

idea seems to be refuted on account of the consequences they might face

as well as

the harsh treatment that might be directed towards young

criminals

. One major drive of the impracticality of

such

a notion would be that should the government treat youngsters as old

criminals

, they will encounter numerous serious difficulties. Examples of

such

hardships could be seen in not attending university and being unable to find a job.

This

is not to say that all the mentioned youth would participate in universities, but those who want to enroll, might not be able to do that because universities do not register those having criminal records.

This

being the case, prospective students would lose the chance of attending universities.

Furthermore

, the unemployment rate would rise, as

criminals

might not be hired. They, in the long run, might repeat their

crimes

, ranging from shoplifting to kidnapping.

This

accordingly

, would not be an appropriate approach. A second rationale for the failure of the theory that young people should be treated in the same way as adults could be

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

they might witness in prisons.

Such

places might bring youngsters closer to those having committed multiple

crimes

. In doing so, young prisoners would emulate the

criminals

’

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

This

imitation would lead to them committing brutal

crimes

in the future.

This

being the case, they no longer fear prosecution.

This

method,

hence

, would not be constructive. In light of the above-mentioned analysis, concerning the question of whether young

criminals

ought to be punished as adults or not,

this

argument appears to be debunked

due to

the possibility of irreversible outcomes

in addition

to the destructive ideologies they might be influenced by.

Submitted by ielts7683 on Tue Aug 27 2024

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task achievement

Consider adding more specific examples or case studies to support your argumentation. This can help strengthen your points and make your essay more compelling.

coherence cohesion

While the overall structure of your essay is strong, some paragraphs could benefit from more explicit connections between sentences. Using more transition words can help with this.

task achievement

Try to elaborate on certain points for greater depth. For example, when discussing the impact of crime on university admissions and job prospects, providing statistical data or real-life examples can make your argument more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the essay and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.

coherence cohesion

You present well-structured arguments, and the essay follows a logical structure that is easy to follow.

task achievement

You address the question comprehensively, offering multiple perspectives on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

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Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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You recently bought an electronic device for your home. Your friend wants to buy the same device and has asked for your advice. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter describe the device please explain why you bought it say whether or not your friend should buy it and why.