Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Choosing a
career
is one of the most critical
decision
Change to a plural noun
decisions
show examples
for young
people
.
While
some believe that young
people
should choose
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
considering the reality and future
prospection
Replace the word
prospects
show examples
, others
argure
Correct your spelling
argue
argued
that the young generation
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to be free and follow their passion. In my opinion, personal interests should be the major factor when making a
career
choice. On the one hand, those who advocate for a realistic approach
argures
Correct your spelling
argues
argue
that
career
choices based on reality would benefit young individuals
on
Change preposition
in
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their personal financial status. To be more specific, since young
adult
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adults
show examples
often do not have much
saving
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savings
show examples
, young
people
are more likely to rely more on
job
salaries.
Consequently
, finding a
job
considering income and future
prospection
Replace the word
prospects
show examples
will largely avoid personal financial difficulties. To illustrate, if a young adult
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
to study computer science and work for a technology company,
such
as Meta or Tesla, because these companies often offer a high salary and even shares of it, they will lead a wealthy life even if they had no saving before they find
this
job
.
In contrast
, if young individuals chose their jobs following their interests,
such
as artist or writer, they would work with a low salary, probably leading to financial difficulties if they have little
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I would agree with the opinion of the free work choice supporters that developing
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
based on passion would assist young
people
to discover their potential. The young generation educated by
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
education system might not know what they are good at. They need to try different kinds of jobs to see which ability they
,
Add a missing verb
have, such
show examples
such
as physical strength or mental agility, logic or creativity. Once they discover what they are good at, they will quickly excel in that field.
Moreover
, by fully developing their potential, they will feel
fullfilled
Correct your spelling
fulfilled
not only because of a satisfied income
,
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apply
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but
also
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
'
respection
Correct your spelling
respect
respective
, social status and even self-actualization.
Therefore
, I hold
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
opinion that the young generation should follow their interests when choosing jobs to find their talent. In conclusion,
while
many believe that young adults should choose a
career
based on realistic future
prospection
Replace the word
prospects
show examples
, I agree with the idea that young
people
should follow their passion when
buiding
Correct your spelling
building
their careers to develop their potential.
Submitted by dawn140140140140 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all points are consistently elaborated with examples. For instance, the point about young people relying on job salaries could include broader examples beyond high-paying tech jobs.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clearer transitions between the contrasting viewpoints to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance that personal interests should be prioritized when choosing a career, which aligns well with the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively contrasts two distinct viewpoints regarding career choice: realistic approaches and passion-driven decisions.
task achievement
Use of specific examples, such as references to companies like Meta and Tesla, which strengthens the argument about salary considerations in career choices.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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