Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #future

Choosing a

career

is one of the most critical

decision

Change to a plural noun

decisions

show examples

for young

people

While

some believe that young

people

should choose

job

Correct article usage

a job

show examples

considering the reality and future

prospection

Replace the word

prospects

show examples

, others

argure

Correct your spelling

argue

argued

that the young generation

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to be free and follow their passion. In my opinion, personal interests should be the major factor when making a

career

choice. On the one hand, those who advocate for a realistic approach

argures

Correct your spelling

argues

argue

that

career

choices based on reality would benefit young individuals

Change preposition

show examples

their personal financial status. To be more specific, since young

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

often do not have much

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

, young

people

are more likely to rely more on

job

salaries.

Consequently

, finding a

job

considering income and future

prospection

Replace the word

prospects

show examples

will largely avoid personal financial difficulties. To illustrate, if a young adult

choose

Change the verb form

chooses

show examples

to study computer science and work for a technology company,

such

as Meta or Tesla, because these companies often offer a high salary and even shares of it, they will lead a wealthy life even if they had no saving before they find

this

job

In contrast

, if young individuals chose their jobs following their interests,

such

as artist or writer, they would work with a low salary, probably leading to financial difficulties if they have little

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

On the other hand

, I would agree with the opinion of the free work choice supporters that developing

career

Correct article usage

a career

show examples

based on passion would assist young

people

to discover their potential. The young generation educated by

traditional

Correct article usage

the traditional

show examples

education system might not know what they are good at. They need to try different kinds of jobs to see which ability they

Add a missing verb

have, such

show examples

such

as physical strength or mental agility, logic or creativity. Once they discover what they are good at, they will quickly excel in that field.

Moreover

, by fully developing their potential, they will feel

fullfilled

Correct your spelling

fulfilled

not only because of a satisfied income

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

collegues

Correct your spelling

colleagues

respection

Correct your spelling

respect

respective

, social status and even self-actualization.

Therefore

, I hold

this

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

opinion that the young generation should follow their interests when choosing jobs to find their talent. In conclusion,

while

many believe that young adults should choose a

career

based on realistic future

prospection

Replace the word

prospects

show examples

, I agree with the idea that young

people

should follow their passion when

buiding

Correct your spelling

building

their careers to develop their potential.

Submitted by dawn140140140140 on Wed Oct 16 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that all points are consistently elaborated with examples. For instance, the point about young people relying on job salaries could include broader examples beyond high-paying tech jobs.

coherence cohesion

Work on providing clearer transitions between the contrasting viewpoints to enhance the flow of the essay.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance that personal interests should be prioritized when choosing a career, which aligns well with the task requirements.

coherence cohesion

The essay effectively contrasts two distinct viewpoints regarding career choice: realistic approaches and passion-driven decisions.

task achievement

Use of specific examples, such as references to companies like Meta and Tesla, which strengthens the argument about salary considerations in career choices.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

375 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

career trajectory
job satisfaction
employment prospects
financial stability
job security
economically viable
harnessing potential
labor market
vocational guidance
real-world demands

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Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Some think that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together. Others, however, think that hosting the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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