IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a "gap year", before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an experience waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #year #gap #work #university #chance #horizons #waste #time
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Youth are eagerly expecting a year of trips in order to expand their worldview before they start
laboring
Change the spelling
labouring
show examples
 or studying,
whereas
 others see
this
 opportunity as unnecessary time waste. On the one hand, young
people
 look forward to a year of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, as they see
this
 as a possibility to broaden their horizons. I totally agree with
this
 statement. It is a great opportunity to enjoy the
last
 days of the
weekends
Fix the agreement mistake
weekend
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.
In addition
, it allows us to relax as much as we can.
At the end
 of the summer, students, as a rule, tend to spend time as actively and productively as possible.
For example
, apprentices may have a journey to different countries of the world to explore
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 and diverse places to
know
Verb problem
learn
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 something new they have not probably imagined before.
On the other hand
, others are likely to believe that
such
 experience is unimportant. I totally disagree with
this
 statement.
People
 should always clear their minds from different problems that have been remaining for a long time.
Moreover
, if
people
 always
performing
Wrong verb form
perform
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 without the rest before the new year of hard work, they will become more
embarrassing
Replace the word
embarrassed
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.
For instance
, nowadays, a lot of
people
 think that if all their efforts
put
Add a missing verb
are put
show examples
on
Change preposition
into
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 a different type of work now, humans will succeed.
However
, is it delusion, because
people
 frequently need to revive their power.
Additionally
, if they do not relax well enough, they will become anxious and, sometimes, angry if they are disturbed by mere things. In
summarizing
Replace the word
summary
show examples
, both views that were discussed have their own pros and cons.
As it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 seems to me,
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 is better to have a rest for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to various countries to
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 something new rather than just work without it.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
In your introduction, briefly outline both views and clearly state your own opinion to establish a clear direction for the essay. This will enhance the reader's understanding of the essay's purpose.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments, such as 'furthermore', 'however', 'in addition', etc.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples or explanations. For instance, provide examples of how traveling specifically broadens horizons or mention studies supporting either view.
task achievement
You provided a clear response to the task, discussing both views and giving your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a logical structure with distinct sections for each view and your own perspective.
task achievement
Your writing shows an understanding of the different perspectives on taking a gap year.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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