IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagram shows the first industrial process for making dough. Write your essay in 150 words.

The diagram shows the first industrial process for making dough. Write your essay in 150 words.
#first #process #dough
The diagram illustrates the
process
 of
dough
 making, which involves three important stages, including the pre-
production
,
production
, and
post –
Correct your spelling
post–production
show examples
production
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
.
First,
in the
pre
Add a hyphen
pre-production
show examples
production
stage
, the three main ingredients
such
 as water, flour, and yeast are poured into the industrial mixer in order to be mixed evenly.
Then
, the mixed
dough
 will be stored in a glass box, and some additives will be added to ferment the
dough
. After being fermented, the
dough
 is moved into a divider machine and
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cut into several pieces. It
then
 falls eventually into a plunger machine and
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 pushed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a rotating
cylinder
. When the
dough
 is pushed by the plunger machine, an irregular round shape is created and it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 taken by the rotating
cylinder
.
Finally
, the rotating
cylinder
then
forward
Change the verb form
forwards
show examples
 the
dough
 into the conveyor belt to go to the next
process
.
To conclude
, the
process
 of bread
dough
 making is quite simple
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 is capital intensive. The
process
is started
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
 with the pre-
production
stage
 where the
dough
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 mixed. After the pre-
production
stage
 is the
production
stage
 where the
dough
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 fermented,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cut into pieces, and shaped.
Then
, the
last
stage
 is the
post
Add a hyphen
post-production
show examples
production
 test where the
dough
 is moved to the rotating
cylinder
 and conveyor belt.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, dough, production, stage, cylinder with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 2 times.
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