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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that advertising is beneficial and improves the standard of living, while others argue that it leads to unnecessary consumerism. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #consumerism
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One of the most controversial issues today is related to the benefit of advertising in our lives, some
people
 argue that it is useful in upgrading the way we live,
while
 others believe it leads to more consumers than we need. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss
this
 question from both points of view. On one side of the argument, there are
people
 who argue that the benefits of advertising considerably outweigh it is disadvantages. The main reason for believing in
this
 is that advertising helps consumers save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money by informing them about real bargains they need.
Furthermore
, if they do not have time to shop around they rely on advertising to learn about new products. One good illustration of
this
 is the number of
people
how is
Verb problem
who
show examples
 gain
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 salary just from
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 possible to make an opposing case. It is often argued that in fact, advertising is for products that we do not really need.
People
 often have
this
 opinion because the ultimate aim of advertising is to persuade customers to pay for things. A particularly good example here is when I see an Amazon offer I immediately pay it even if I do not need it. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that advertising makes
people
 spend their money on things that they do not need so I see the drawbacks of advertising as more than it is advantages.
Submitted by Jod on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, an example of targeted advertising or a specific case of consumer behavior affected by advertising would strengthen your argument.
logical structure
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows naturally to the next. Consider using more linking words or phrases.
clear comprehensive ideas
Be more explicit in stating your own opinion. Although you provide it, it could be integrated more clearly throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion with a clear statement of both views.
complete response
You present both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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