IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that it is more important to plant more trees in open area in towns and cities than build more housing. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #plant #trees #area #towns #cities
There is no denying the fact that some
people
 think that it is more important to plant more
trees
 in open spaces in town and society than build more housing.
While
 it is a commonly held
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that planting
trees
 in areas
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 important than building houses, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my
Correct your spelling
opinion
opinon
Add a comma
opinon,
show examples
 I disagree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement.
To begin
 with,
plant
Replace the word
planting
show examples
trees
 is something helpful for the global and
people
 on the earth.
In other words
, whenever we plant more
trees
 we will get clear air and
temperature
Correct article usage
the temperature
show examples
 will be reduced.
In addition
,
trees
 can produce Oxygen and
this
 gas
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 important for human beings.
For example
, when you visit any forest you will find
clear
Add an article
a clear
the clear
show examples
 and clean atmosphere that you will not find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in any other place. Another point to consider, building homes for
people
 is something necessary more than
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 else.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
show examples
also
 possible to say that,
people
 can not live without
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 to use.
Moreover
, imagine if we do not focus on
homes
Change the noun form
home
show examples
 numbers,
people
 will get mad and that something no one
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
, the government of the UK spent
last
 year a lot of money to plan
trees
, it
is
Wrong verb form
would be
show examples
 better if they
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 that money on homes
instead
. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe helping human
beigns
Correct your spelling
beings
 is
necessary
Correct quantifier usage
more necessary
show examples
 than other things.
Submitted by altammar12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider enhancing the clarity of your argument by making sure each paragraph supports your overall standpoint. Currently, the essay indicates disagreement with the prompt in the introduction but does not reinforce this stance strongly enough throughout.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs more fully to ensure that your main points are well-supported with examples and evidence. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Review the interaction between concepts within each paragraph to ensure coherence. Some ideas seem disjointed or underdeveloped, affecting the seamless flow of arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, framing the argument nicely.
task achievement
You have considered multiple perspectives on the issue, such as the importance of planting trees for the environment and the necessity of housing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: