Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
a growing debate about whether
celebrities
'
support
towards international charity
organizations
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
helpful.
While
some
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
that
celebrities
make the
issues
less important by talking about them, I agree with the
opinion
that it could draw
people
's
attention
to the difficulties. On the one hand, some
people
believe that the speech supporting international
aid
organizations
from
celebrities
will make the
issues
less
seriouly
Correct your spelling
seriously
treated in public discussion. They argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
nowadays are used to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
speech
Fix the agreement mistake
speeches
show examples
lacking of responsibility to make themselves more famous.
Consequently
, when they talk about supporting international charity
groups
,
people
will feel it is another trick for attracting their
attention
, rather than
trust
Wrong verb form
trusting
show examples
their opinions.
Furthermore
, international charities should use formal media and public advertisements to raise
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
awareness about their difficulties, rather than using
recreation
Replace the word
recreational
show examples
news.
Therefore
, many hold the
opinion
that it is not helpful for famous
people
to
support
international
aid
groups
.
On the other hand
, I would agree with the
opinion
that
celebrities
's
support
towards international
aid
organizations
can attract
people
's
attention
to the
issues
. The main reason is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
often have large
groups
of fans who pay
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
them. In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
world,
people
are used to
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
information from short videos and messages, which makes them
reluctanct
Correct your spelling
reluctant
to read serious long newspaper articles or public
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
advertisements.
However
, when famous
people
support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
organizations
, their
fanse
Correct your spelling
fans
are often willing to pay
attention
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
those reels and short messages to the serious problems
due to
love for their idols.
Consequently
, I agree with the idea that
celebrities
's
support
is helpful to the
issues
of international
aid
organizations
. In conclusion,
although
many hold the
opinion
that famous
people
's
support
towards international
aid
groups
makes the problems less serious in discussion, I am aligned with the view that it would attract
people
's
attention
to these
issues
because of their influence on their fans.
Submitted by dawn140140140140 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your task response, try to include specific examples or case studies where celebrities have successfully raised awareness for international issues. This creates a more compelling argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly develops a single main idea. Currently, some paragraphs could benefit from a sharper focus and clearer topic sentences.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views, which is crucial for this type of essay question.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
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