Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years, there
is
a growing debate about whether Wrong verb form
has been
celebrities
' support
towards international charity organizations
in
helpful. Correct your spelling
is
While
some argues
that Change the verb form
argue
celebrities
make the issues
less important by talking about them, I agree with the opinion
that it could draw people
's attention
to the difficulties.
On the one hand, some people
believe that the speech supporting international aid
organizations
from celebrities
will make the issues
less seriouly
treated in public discussion. They argue that Correct your spelling
seriously
the
Correct article usage
apply
celebrities
nowadays are used to make
Wrong verb form
making
speech
lacking of responsibility to make themselves more famous. Fix the agreement mistake
speeches
Consequently
, when they talk about supporting international charity groups
, people
will feel it is another trick for attracting their attention
, rather than trust
their opinions. Wrong verb form
trusting
Furthermore
, international charities should use formal media and public advertisements to raise people'
awareness about their difficulties, rather than using Change noun form
people's
recreation
news. Replace the word
recreational
Therefore
, many hold the opinion
that it is not helpful for famous people
to support
international aid
groups
.
On the other hand
, I would agree with the opinion
that celebrities
's support
towards international aid
organizations
can attract people
's attention
to the issues
. The main reason is that the
Correct article usage
apply
celebrities
often have large groups
of fans who pay attention
on
them. In Change preposition
to
contemporary
world, Add an article
the contemporary
people
are used to get
information from short videos and messages, which makes them Change the verb form
getting
reluctanct
to read serious long newspaper articles or public Correct your spelling
reluctant
awarness
advertisements. Correct your spelling
awareness
However
, when famous people
support
the
international Correct article usage
apply
organizations
, their fanse
are often willing to pay Correct your spelling
fans
attention
from
those reels and short messages to the serious problems Change preposition
to
due to
love for their idols. Consequently
, I agree with the idea that celebrities
's support
is helpful to the issues
of international aid
organizations
.
In conclusion, although
many hold the opinion
that famous people
's support
towards international aid
groups
makes the problems less serious in discussion, I am aligned with the view that it would attract people
's attention
to these issues
because of their influence on their fans.Submitted by dawn140140140140 on
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task achievement
To strengthen your task response, try to include specific examples or case studies where celebrities have successfully raised awareness for international issues. This creates a more compelling argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly develops a single main idea. Currently, some paragraphs could benefit from a sharper focus and clearer topic sentences.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views, which is crucial for this type of essay question.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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