IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion (Chi Vu)

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In the contemporary era, a wide of individuals assume that exercise helps to maintain a wealthy
health
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, meanwhile, their counterparts believe stable meals are the main key. Two aforementioned views will be discussed thoroughly in the following paragraphs before presenting my perspective in the conclusion. On the one hand, much research points out that physical activities frequently are the most important factor for
health
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. It not only reduces the risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and cancers but
also
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 controls boosts mood, and improves sleep.
For example
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, when exercising human brain releases some hormones
such
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 as endorphin, dopamine, and serotonin. Endorphin is produced by the pituitary gland and hypothalamus in the brain which is a natural pain killer and stress relief.
Then
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 dopamine will act as a message delivered, communicating between nerve cells in the brain and the rest of the
body
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. Serotonin functions in different ways that are combined with endorphins to make people happy and assist in stable mood and well-being. On the other perspective, the main reason a range of people have a strong belief that a balanced diet keeps well
health
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 in shape is because it provides the right proportions of vitamins, minerals and nutrients.
For instance
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, when a meal plan is mentioned,
this
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 quote is
also
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 on air: eat breakfast like a queen, lunch like a princess, and dinner like a pauper.
This
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 means a full amount of food will need to be taken in the morning to make sure the
body
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 has enough energy,
then
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 less nutrition will be delivered at lunch as additional, not much
body
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 activity at night is equivalent to the amount of food will be eaten.
This
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 stable meal routine does not give over portions of food needed for a
body
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 and decreases the chance of unhealthy snacks. In conclusion, both exercise and stable meals help people to have a wealth of
health
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.
However
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, they need to be combined and designed to be suitable to each individual,
otherwise
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 if leaning
further
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 on one of either, it will bring unforeseen consequences.

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clarity
Consider rephrasing 'wealthy health' to 'good health' or 'overall health' for clarity and more common usage.
clarity
The phrase 'stable meals' could be replaced with 'balanced meals' for more precise language.
structure
In your examples, ensure that they directly support the points made for better coherence. More direct links can enhance clarity.
balance
Consider balancing the discussion of both views more evenly to strengthen your argument.
structure
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion.
examples
You have included relevant examples that support your points effectively, particularly about the benefits of exercise and a balanced diet.
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