The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Owing to the problems that a growing
population
of overweight people cause for the health care system, it is thought that the key to solving
this
issue is to have more sport and
exercise
in
schools
. I agree that
this
is one way to tackle the problem, but diet must be taken into consideration as well. Increasing sport or regular
exercise
in
schools
is a useful way to tackle weight problems in the long run for the general
population
.
This
method will encourage a new generation to develop vital habits that support
overall
health and help them maintain a reasonable weight. At the moment, the average child in the West participates in sports possibly twice a week, which is not enough to counteract their
otherwise
sedentary lifestyle that comes from many hours each day of sitting at a desk for their lessons. By incorporating more
exercise
time and possibly extracurricular physical activities, they will undoubtedly become fitter and more active, and continue living that way after leaving school.
However
, targeting physical
exercise
in schoolchildren to reduce the current issue of obesity in the wider
population
is not effective enough on its own.
First,
children in
schools
need to be educated about what constitutes healthy
foods
and the reasons behind
this
in order to ensure a new generation of people who understand clean eating.
Second,
for a more immediately impactful change, it is important to look at reducing the number of ultra-processed
foods
(UPFs) on the market, which too many people gravitate toward.
For instance
, the government could impose a tax on UPFs to increase the price, and
likewise
reduce the cost of healthy
foods
,
such
as vegetables, to encourage a better diet.
To sum up
, I believe the best approach to tackling weight issues in the
population
starts with increasing
exercise
in
schools
while
encouraging a healthier diet through price changes targeting specific
foods
on the market.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all main ideas are fully developed, particularly in terms of providing evidence or examples to support claims about diet changes.
coherence and cohesion
Although the essay flows well, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task and presents a balanced discussion on the issue of obesity and healthcare strain.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the development of the main argument and a clear conclusion provided.
task achievement
The essay uses clear and precise language, making it easy to follow the writer's line of argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!