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Band 5

Some people believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other at work, at school and in daily life. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #work #school #life
I believe that
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 is the most correct way to work. One person can not know everything, we all have only one brain, the same body and our imagination about
world
Add an article
a world
the world
show examples
 without full view.
Firthermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, I remember that, when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was at school, we had an extremely interesting teacher of
Phisics
Correct your spelling
physics
. She had
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
 from
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Dubna,
scientists
Correct word choice
and scientists
show examples
 from there
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opened one of the elements of
Mendeleev
Change noun form
Mendeleev's
show examples
 Periodic table.
And once
Correct word choice
Once
show examples
 we had a
videocall
Correct your spelling
video call
show examples
 with
professor
Add an article
the professor
a professor
show examples
, who
explained
Add the preposition
explained to
show examples
 us that science is not a politic and they often cooperate with universities from
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 to make conversation about their new discoveries despite of Cold War
betveen
Correct your spelling
between
 our
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
. He talked about science like it is the most
frendly
Correct your spelling
friendly
 and
tolerate
Replace the word
tolerant
show examples
 job in the world and I was exiting and decided to learn more about
this
 kind of work.
Although
 I had read about
Large
Correct article usage
the Large
show examples
 Hadron Collider - the biggest equipment for experiments and a good
exampe
Correct your spelling
example
 of collaborating different countries, nations and laboratories.
Secondly
, if we
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
think about something more local,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can try to
tell
Verb problem
talk
show examples
 about work in
hospital
Add an article
a hospital
the hospital
show examples
. Some people prefer to
competing
Change the verb
compete
show examples
 against
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other, but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
this
 feeling
became
Verb problem
comes
show examples
 with misunderstanding what are they doing and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of self-confidence. When something
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 wrong in
hospital
Correct article usage
a hospital
show examples
, all
stuff
Correct your spelling
staff
show examples
 including the engineers unite to solve the problem that can cost
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. Usually, thanks to
this
, the person
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 alive and will never know that today is his second birthday.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, we can see that cooperation - is the engine not only of the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 progress, but
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 company, family and self-development. Hope
this
 way will be more popular
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our planet and humanity will learn how to be more polite and wise.
Submitted by oanastasia974 on

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coherence cohesion
Clarify your main arguments to present them more effectively. Consider structuring your essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Improve your spelling and grammar for minor mistakes to enhance clarity. Pay attention to words like 'Firthermore' (should be 'Furthermore'), 'Phisics' (should be 'Physics'), 'betveen' (should be 'between'), 'frendly' (should be 'friendly'), 'exiting' (should be 'exciting'), 'exampe' (should be 'example'), 'i' (should be 'I'), 'conclution' (should be 'conclusion'), etc.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to support the argument for cooperation over competition.
coherence cohesion
You provided a conclusion that effectively summarizes your position and arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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